Another Year Over

So this year is done. I was really excited about next year starting because for about 10 minutes, I thought 2009 was going to be the year of the Pig according to the Chinese flimflam calendar but I had not listened intently to that particular news story last night. It's not the year of the Pig, it's the year of the Ox. Twelve piglets were born somewhere in a chinese zoo and that means good luck for the next year, hence my confusion over the year of the pig. The chinese consider me to be a pig since I was born in 1971, or maybe it's because I don't capitalize "chinese". I just looked up this page on my pig characteristics and it states that there is no left or right with me, apparently only straight ahead. Now my inability to tell my left from my right makes perfect sense. I'm a believer.



I finally remembered to download one of my favorite pieces of music yesterday. It's by ABBA, that's right ABBA, and it is the last track on their album Arrival. That was the first album I ever owned. Tom took it with him to Memphis because he had a turn table and I didn't. Now that he's gone, his wife will never give it back to me. Funny how sometimes you don't miss something until there's no chance of ever getting it back. Since it was written before videos were even remotely cool, here's a YouTube version of it but the visuals suck so just close your eyes and listen.



I also ran across this article yesterday in the New York Times which made me all mushy and sentimental, so I developed a list of things I'll try in the new year:



1. Finishing that goddamn bodice

2. Re-learning how to play an old instrument

3. Making new props to both confuse and amaze

4. Sending out those articles and essays I've been meaning to do for the last two years but have been too scared

5. Building my own deck



Here are some things I'm not going to try:



1. Shotgunning a can of Schiltz

2. Learning chinese

3. Cleaning out my own sewer line

4. Skydiving

5. Ecstacy



Have a happy New Year's everyone!

Ouch

The Thermos company makes really good thermoses. How do I know? I fell on mine twice this morning and it didn't even dent. I would have been here about 20 minutes earlier but it's a bit treacherous out there. Two miles into it, I decided to walk in the street instead and brave the half-awake driver. According to my calculations, the chance of being hit by a Honda is much less than the probability of me falling every two steps on the sidewalk. I have enough cush for either one, so ultimately I'll be okay.

The holiday season hasn't officially ended yet before the next season has started, that being........TAX SEASON!!! WOOHOO!! I just got my 1040 instructions in the mail yesterday. I'll have to check through that first-time home owners credit. I didn't get to take it last year because I hadn't bought my home after April 2007, I missed it by one month. I believe I can therefore go back to 2006 and amend. Boy, that'd be nice. There's this small detail about a credit being reduced by the economic stimulus payment I received. That'll definitely need more looking into. What ever I get back in refunds this year will have to be saved in the event that property taxes increase for me in July or thereabouts. I take one tax refund and put it toward another tax. I feel like throwing tea off of a boat somewhere.

Time to go read up on the hullabaloo over in the Middle East. I believe a weapon has been discharged in the area?

Christmas part II - thank god it's over

Well that lasted about two days too long. I think next year I'll stay in town for one day and then take off for parts unknown. One day is perfect; you have some prep work if you're hosting the food-eating, otherwise you just make sure to shower (wear deodorant please!!) grab a present and head out the door. You then get to chat and laugh, maybe play a few games, go home happy and sleep well. That's it. After that, get out of bed and do something and STOP EATING ALL OF THAT CRAP. It's only going to put you in a bad mood only you won't know why you're in a bad mood. Maybe a miracle will happen with the economy this year so that I'll be able to stop into the aunt and uncle's house next year, have above mentioned fun and then hop a plane to Hawaii the next day.

Christmas eve was great, as I've already detailed, but christmas day, um, it was okay. I went to see the other side of the family where auntie brought her two out-of-control mutts with and the cousin was trying to catch up to his new 21-year-old status of being able to legally drink. Uncle bonehead was well into the bag when I got there at 3:30pm and like most drunks, his volume increased with each syllable. By 5:00pm, the combination of Tibetan terriers jumping up on me and voices never stopping were enough to convince me to pack it in and head home. Mom was going to head to the other brother's house so that way, we covered all of the relatives.

Mom had left her gloves at my house on Wednesday so I called her on Friday to let her know I'd drop them by. I didn't get a call back and when I drove past the house (all seven times from Friday morning until Sunday morning) it looked like someone was home but the car hadn't ever moved and I didn't see a lot of footprints. This is where my irrational thought process kicked in. See, I wasn't willing to go into the house because I'm not going to do that anymore while dad still occupies it which mom is aware of but that doesn't stop her from trying to trick me into entering the house and when I don't, giving me the terribly-hurt look which makes me feel guilty and very angry. My plan was to put the gloves in the mail box when she wasn't home but she was never not home which isn't like her. That's where I started to get really worried that maybe she did try to drink all of the wine I gave her for christmas and fell down the stairs. I couldn't relax the rest of the weekend until last night when I called again and this time she finally answered. She had gotten the flu on Thursday and stayed home the whole weekend. She kept looking in the mail box for the gloves and wondering why I hadn't dropped them off yet. I just let her think I'm irresponsible. It's easier that way.

So now I'm back at work and my goodness, I have to work a whole three days this week! How am I going to get through it? I'm used to two days now. I'm not going to tell anyone that I'm working on Wednesday so hopefully I'll be able to get all the filing and crap done that I was hoping to get done last week. Shhh, don't tell.

This is also the universal "look back at the year" week. I'll work on that tomorrow. In the meantime, start putting your resolution lists together so we can have something to laugh at.

Christmas part I

This is traditionally the time of year that I dread most because it’s so built up, you get your hopes high for marvelous things to happen but yet terribly things happen too which you remember for years afterwords which is what fills you with the dread at the same time that your wishing for marvelous things to happen.

This year is finally progressing marvelously. I got everything baked and bought in time. Mom came over for a short time on Wednesday. She’s hooked on white merlot now (maybe I shouldn’t be using the term “hooked” in that sentence) so I bought her a bottle of it but Haskell’s only had the big-ass bottle left so she is now the proud owner of a 1.5 liter bottle of wine to keep herself warm on New Year’s Eve. I told her she can’t drink it all at once.

I then went over to my aunt and uncle’s house in St. Paul Park. This is my dad’s brother Jerry, the one with the best sense of humor. My four cousins came over too which was so frickin’ awesome I could barely stand it. I have one cousin, Todd, who wears one white sock and one black sock. His hair is a bit messed up and he didn’t shave. His older brother Dean has changed his name to Larz and apparently has great directional difficulty (perhaps it’s the left hand/right hand trouble I have) so he and his woman were the last to arrive. Cousin #3 Jeff is a paramedic and brought his new girlfriend, the N. Mpls cop who works with Mederia Arradondo whom I knew for a year when he was the spotter on the Roosevelt gymnastics team in ’84-’85. Last cousin Jo Lynn brought her twelve-year-old son Zach who is just about the tallest one in the room. As each person would arrive, the one-liners would zing at higher and higher speeds. We all find it hysterically funny to make fun of and slightly threaten each other. That can be done in a funny way, it really can.

When it was time for present-opening, I was sitting next to Jerry. Jo Lynn brought out a present for him which was a case engulfed in a Christmas-patterned garbage bag. It looked like a gun case to me so I blurted out “Oo, it’s a gun!” then proceeded to ask if bullets were included. I got the super glare from Jo Lynn and aunt Leigh Ann. Apparently I had hit the nail on the head and it was in fact a 30.6 with a scope and all. I asked Jerry to keep it away from Jo Lynn otherwise she’d shoot me with it. But come on though, gun cases are pretty easily identified. Did they really think Jerry wasn’t going to figure that one out? I was just stating the obvious.

I love watching people open presents. The best part of any holiday is getting too many people to sit in a small room and open presents. There’s wrapping paper everywhere and even though there are garbage bags brought out especially to help clean up while the present-opening is occurring, none of the paper ever seems to make it into the bags until about an hour later.

Christmas day will now bring some movie watching courtesy of Netflix who delivered The Dark Knight and Idiocracy on Wednesday, just in time for me to have a great Christmas. I’ll then move on to the other side of the family to dine and chat for a bit. This side of the family has little to no sense of humor so I’ll most likely be making an early exit. When they make fun of people, they mean it.

I have to go kick The Cat off of the new comfy blanket I got from my BFF and watch a little entertainment on the boob tube. How did that saying ever get started? Porn has never been on network TV as far as I know.

Anyone Got Some Syrup? I'm Going To Make A Snowcone.

Early morning is the best time to get to campus, especially on a morning like this. It is so frickin' beautiful outside that it would be impossible for you to stay in a bad mood for long if you just take a quick look around. Just look up once, then go back to being grumpy.

There's one particular scene that's my favorite. There's a clearing in between Wulling and Eddy Halls with Burton in the background. It's filled with pine trees and driving paths. With the snow falling and the street lights still on, it looks like one of those screen saver winter scenes you can download for free at goaheadanddownloadthisalthoughImayinfectyourcomputer.com.

I like those smaller moments. Those are the ones that always stick in my mind more than big, grand moments with spot lights and applause. They exist throughout the entire day too. This is why I always try to be prepared, so I can enjoy the moments that suddenly come up. That might sound a bit backwards but really, it's not. I plan things as much as I do so that when I need to, I can experience an unexpected moment.

There was a woman in my Performance Course who made a comment that's very fitting. All of us were dancing solos and most of us were choreographing them. Leslie encourages us to learn how to improv more because it does make you a better dancer but it takes time to be able to do that. You have to become very familiar with the music genre to know what kind of tempo change may be coming up. Until we've learned more though, I stick to choreography. Cindy said that she was choreographing so that she could improv. She meant that she wanted the whole dance planned out but being a solo, if she messed up or forgot something (which almost ALWAYS happens) she could improv and still be confident that it would turn out okay. That's how I pretty much live. I plan a lot of things and am very structured so that when I have to, I can improv and things will be okay.

When something tragic happens, the last thing you want to deal with is the dishes or the gutter that's falling off. If you get all of this stuff taken care of, you can deal with the tragedy at hand and face it fully instead of having to push it to the side. Plus, I get to look out of my kitchen window and watch the snow fall while I do dishes. Doing things in a very structured way doesn't mean that you're missing out on things. It's quite the opposite. You're experiencing everything that's happening at that moment. The smell of summer air changes from the morning when you're mowing, to the afternoon when you water the plants. I have to have my desk near a window so I can monitor the changes outside while simultaneously glaring into a computer screen. You have to catch each moment and brand it into your mind because you never know what phone call you'll receive an hour from now. When you're sitting in the hospital or where ever, you can remember for a moment, how all of those pine trees looked at 6:45am.

Did any of that make any sense? No? Okay, go outside and look at the snow.

And That's A Wrap

It's finally here, the weekend. I was determined to get through a ton of work so I could spend next work week (which consists of two days) filing crap and getting things in order that need to be in order for that unsuspecting audit visit that could happen at any time. I've almost succeeded. I'm going to say that I have a 95% success rate. That's not bad considering that when I dove into one problem, it produced five more problems to solve before the original problem could be solved but by the time I got those five new problems solved, I forgot what the first problem was.

How about that senate race? At least it's exciting. I would consider it a waste if all throughout the process, the same guy was in the lead.

How about that new credit card ruling on deceitful charges and unfair raising of interest rates? It sounds great except that it won't take affect until 2010 and from now until then, the credit card companies are going to screw us every which way but loose to make up for anything they might start losing in July 2010. Anyone with a lot of credit card debt is fucked...that would be me.

How about that D-con commercial that's been altered? There has been a D-con commercial featuring what appears to be an exterminator stating how he "sees this all the time" and then there's a cut to a kitchen cupboard where a little girl is reaching up to the top shelf which she can't see but the audience can see has spilt cereal and several roaches in among the corn flakes. The new altered version, viewed for the first time last night, has the roaches removed from the corn flakes so all you see is a messy shelf. Why would D-con agree to that? Before the commercial was saying that there are roaches only centimeters away from your children's fingers so you better get our product. Now it's saying that D-con will clean up spilt cereal and that just doesn't make any sense.

How about that Bernie Madoff? What a fucker.

I believe I'll close on that note.

The Funniest Time Of Year

Winter is funny. At least this one is so far. According to the calendar, we have four more days before winter solstice which makes me shake my head inconspicuously when people mistake it for the beginning of winter. It's not the beginning of winter, it's the moment when the sun is at it's greatest distance from the celestial equator shining directly over the tropic of Capricorn. Winter begins when it's fucking cold.

You know what happens when it's fucking cold? People wear scarves around their faces when they're, oh say, walking to and from work. Do you know what happens when cat hair gets on the scarf? There's a tendency to sneeze. Here's the scene: I am walking in the cold with four pairs of pants on, four shirts, one big jacket, two scarves, ear muffs and a hat. I'm unable to move much at all quite like the little brother in A Christmas Story. Suddenly, I get the sensation that I'm about to sneeze. I start to panic knowing that I will never get my arms up to my face in time to move the scarves out of the way of the flying snot. I stop walking and stand still raising my arms up as high as they'll go still trying to make an attempt to get to my face all the while saying "No! God No!!" Somehow that worked and I didn't sneeze; catastrophe averted.

Winter makes some people cranky although I don't know why people in warm climates would be cranky like the guy who threw his shoes at our valiant leader. By now, I'm sure you've all seen the footage. What I love most about that is after the first shoe, George popped his head right back up and I swear there's a smirk on his face. He looks like the bully on the playground taunting the nerd who's finally had it and is trying to fight back "Come on ya pansy, throw the other one!" So the guy does (ha!) and again Georgy ducks at the last second and finishes his macho stance by pushing away the security guy and refusing help. He can take this nut case on his own. Hilarious. I heard some newscaster say that in Iraqi culture, throwing your shoe at someone is a sign of disrespect. Really??!! I'll have to remember that.

It's Dec. 16th which means that Minneapolis park ice rinks should have opened yesterday. It's cold enough so the rink by my house has no excuse not to be open like they weren't last year when I had poor Penn and his family drive half way across the world to come over and go skating and there was no skating. If they're not open, I'm going to throw my skates at them. You saw that coming didn't you?

Hot Tub Anyone?

I'm here, I made it, I'm actually sweating. I walk to work for a number of reasons; it's cheap, it's about the same amount of time after you factor in car-warming and parking-space-finding, I'm saving the environment *snicker/snort*, I get all my exercise in and don't have to pay extra for a gym membership, I get to look into the windows of rich people's houses along the river road and the last goofy reason is that it makes coming inside all the more rewarding on days like this. Since I figured I would really think it was cold by going from 35 degrees above zero to 2500 degrees below zero, I put on four pairs of pants, four shirts, two pairs of socks and two scarves before heading out this morning. I wasn't even cold for a second. My hands started to sweat about fifteen minutes into the walk. I have my mittens turned inside out so they dry before I have to go home. Seriously, walking or doing anything else outside in cold weather isn't that bad. Your body heat kicks in after about 5 - 10 minutes and you warm up nicely.

Today is the first day of the new reign for the Finance Director. Since we don't have any money, you'd think his job would be really easy. On the contrary, he's going to be shoved head first into this venti cup of crazy that I predict will have him mumbling incoherently to himself in a matter of months, maybe weeks. It's too bad he's bald, he has nothing to pull out.

This is it, the last week to get any serious work done until January. I have my list made and my piles organized. I'm determined to not get too derailed by others' requests. I'm so thankful that I have my own office. I can not answer the phone if I want and no one really knows. Everything should be okay as long as I don't get too preoccupied with blogging.

See No Evil, Hear No Evil

I have to stop watching the evening news for awhile. It doesn't matter if I don't catch the weather, it'll be cold enough to wear a jacket from now until April so no new news there. I don't really care about sports. My budget is so tight that it doesn't matter if my property taxes go up, I can't do any more than I'm already doing so the only thing I'll miss out on is hearing about how people are running over each other and tossing old ladies down a driveway. I'm having a reaction to something I'm putting on my face so now I look on the outside how I feel on the inside...irritated.

Well, that's not a very good way to start out a Friday. On the upside, I'm going to see the Nutcracker with mom this weekend which includes a nice dinner somewhere so there'll be food and entertainment. I should send out christmas cards. That always makes me feel better. Then I'll see if I can scam some free postage off of the postage meter at work. Good thing no one at work reads this blog.

Time to make the donuts.

Oh Please

Why are people still falling for the "your bank account is closed" scam? How many years has this been going on? It has to be at least five years by now. So the scams may be becoming more intricate now with fancy graphics and texting and all. If those scammers took half the energy they use creating a scam and put it into a day job, I'd bet we'd finally locate that water on Mars.

The PBS/TPT Pledge Drive is nearing an end and now they're programming "viewers favorites". So far, it seems all people want to see is how to get more money and brains. I think it's a bit comical how the supposed brain doc, who points out that memorization is good for the brain, can't seem to remember how his lecture is going to go. He glances over to the teleprompter every two seconds. I find it distracting.

I'm getting the urge to go skating again. I tried several times to go last year but never quite made it. That Rice Park set up looks pretty inviting. That might have to be experienced. Anyone else up for skating?

Oo, I just got a text; apparently I have to call my banker for something.....see you later.

Catch-up

I had to wait a whole five and a half hours to write today because as soon as I got in, I was bombarded with transactions being made on wrong account numbers. While I was figuring out one problem and who was doing it, someone else was expensing something they shouldn't to somewhere they shouldn't. I feel like I'm chasing my tail.

Speaking of tails, I haven't seen the mouse back yet. Maybe The Cat did get him when I wasn't around. I think that may be the case because he's not camped out in front of the cupboard where the mouse was gracious enough to leave his droppings behind. If there's a mouse anywhere in the house, The Cat will plop himself directly in front of where the mouse actually is although the mouse is often not visible to human eyes. The Cat will proceed to not move an inch until he's captured said mouse. This morning, The Cat was not camped out but instead, under foot.

Speaking of feet, I didn't have to lift mine has high on the way home last night because most people had shoveled by then. There is one block along the river road where someone must own an industrial-sized snow blower or just like to walk and blow at the same time because the entire block had been cleared. Isn't that the nicest thing ever? I would LOVE it if someone would do that to my block. There were other blocks where no one had shoveled yet this morning and by now, lots of people have trampled across it so now the snow is really packed down. You know it's going to stay there the entire winter.

Speaking of winter, it's here.

Speaking of here, my lunch time is up so I have to go back to chasing my tail.

Shoveled Walks Are An Oasis

Boy, that Pavarotti sure could sing. I was all cozy last night on the couch thinking it was a perfect night to do just that since I had already shoveled and loaded the mouse ammo in the kitchen. I have a mouse back again and I'm a bit surprised that The Cat hasn't been able to get it yet. He was noisy Sunday night when I didn't have any ammo and mysteriously quiet last night when I finally cocked and loaded the trap directly in his path. Sneaky little fuckers. Anyway, I thought I had completed my civic duty of clearing my walkway only to discover this morning that even more snow had fallen since I finished. It hadn't just fallen on my sidewalk either, unfortunately. That meant walking through snow all the way to work this morning. Before you start to scoff and exclaim that it's only 3 inches or so, go walk through it for three miles on suddenly uneven terrain that was even only a few days ago which makes you appear intoxicated as you trudge on with your bag around your shoulder filled with coffee and normal clothing. Now I remember why I liked spring so much last year.

I love the Thermos. Brilliant invention. We have a little coffee maker in our copy room but my supervisor keeps forgetting to either turn off the burner after she's done, which scorches the coffee to the pot, or forgets to empty the grounds, which grow mold on them over the weekend. I'm not using that coffee maker anymore.

I suddenly realized last night that New Years' Eve is coming up. This may come as a surprise to you also which is why I decided to mention it here. I spent thirteen years always having to work on New Years' Eve so now that I don't work in an industry that's open absolutely every day of the year, I forget what it is people usually do on that evening. I know what I don't want to do. I don't want to go to a hotel bar and have fifty million Long Island Ice Teas to the point where I puke in the restroom, or lean over the railing and puke, or throw up into the pool, or fight in the lobby. I've been on the other end of that and I'd hate to start anyone else's new year on that note.

Speaking of notes, I haven't tried my oboe yet at home. I didn't have time over the weekend and last night I was waaaaaaaay too busy watching A Charlie Brown Christmas. I think tonight would be good after I move the fridge and dryer out in the kitchen to clean behind them and hopefully scare the mouse out at the same time. See, then The Cat might get a mouse and be content before I shatter his world with a completely new sound which may rattle him to the bones.

I'm off now to reconcile the mess that has suddenly appeared now that we have concrete reports to rely on. It's terrifying what has happened in the interim. I think people decided that the new chart of accounts system was too difficult to learn so they just made up their own.

The Best Weekend Ever

So this weekend started as most do on Friday afternoon not because I left work early or anything unless you count mentally leaving in which case most of us take the whole frickin' day off but when my physical body caught up with my mental body(?) at home on Friday evening I was so prepared for Saturday that there wasn't much left to do and in case you don't know what I'm referring to I'm talking about the Sisters of the Sahara hafla that happened Saturday night which I was lucky enough to be a part of by dancing three what? yes three dances and I don't know how I managed to get myself into that either it must have been my cat-like stealth but I was hoping that for the Turkish dance I would be in the back row but due to the fact that the class is full of tall goddess-like creatures and I'm on the shorter side of stockiness I was in the front row and on the right side but only right if you're in the audience looking at us but since I'm not in the audience looking at me I was on my left side which on that particular stage meant that I was to be the last person off of the stage which provided a nice comedic moment because I had two group dances in a row which I loved because there was no time to get nervous again before the second one but since I was the last one off after the first one I turned around right away and I swear to god there was someone standing in the wings who said OKAY GO BACK OUT THERE in a loud whisper or maybe it was my inner dialogue but I listened to who or whatever the voice was and turned right around and went back out to my spot almost in the same spot as for the first dance but what was different this time is I turned around and there was no one out there with me because my second group was off looking for me back stage not realizing that I was already out there so there I stood by myself with my hands at my hips instead of up in the air like the sound guy in the booth who was frantically trying to figure out why there was just one person standing there instead of a group which he thought there would be but since I had assumed the position he started the music so I tried to nicely shake my head to politely ask could he please turn the music off because my cohorts will be along shortly which he must have understood and maybe he's part vulcan but anyway the music ceased just in time for everyone in the audience to be able to clearly hear YOUR ON!! GET OUT THERE!! WHERE IS SHE?? SHE'S ALREADY OUT THERE! OH! GO!GO!GO! so they went and waved to me as they came out and I don't think we could have choreographed a better laugh-getter than that but I'm glad they laughed at that and not at my very first dance which was my drum solo that I had choreographed the hell out of and included a veil which I tussled with during the beginning of the dance when the chiffon veil didn't want to stay on my chiffon-covered arm like it did when I practiced at home and maybe veils get stage-fright or something but I was determined to get that fucking veil EXACTLY WHERE I WANTED IT TO GO which included over my head and DAMMIT GET OUT OF MY HAIR AND FLING THROUGH THE AIR LIKE WE PRACTICED but by the time I had started to win the battle the veil portion of the dance was over so I flung it on the ground but got in an extra kick when I was turning just to show it who's boss and did you know that dancers have been known to take a shot before they go out only not directly before they go out it's more like when they're in the dressing room and the nerves start to kick in to the point where your lips quiver when you're not even smiling or maybe it was the party atmosphere that made her do it and I mean the one who was standing with her back to me when I opened the dressing room door and she turned dressed in her cute outfit with a cute flower in her cute hair batting her cute eyelashes at me and smiling while holding the biggest bottle of Jagermiester I've ever seen which had already been imbibed upon and some people might call that picture a dichotomy but I call it damn funny which only added to the holiday spirit I was suddenly engulfed in with my mom and friends in the audience and people I knew all around back stage with all of us doing fun stuff which continued after the event when I hopped in my car to drive out to the boon docks to join more friends for mirth and merriment but not until I first stopped at the wrong house which also had a lot of cars in the parking lot in my defense which would make anyone think that there was a party going on in there and maybe there was but you'd have to ask Laszlo because he actually walked into the house which still makes me giggle internally when I think about it because I only stood outside while the little girl inside looked very disapprovingly at me while shaking her head when I asked if this was so-and-so's house but alas I finally found the correct driveway which was only one driveway away where I stayed and listened to people talk and break stemwear but I finally had to go home when my legs hurt when I stood and when I sat down so I took my hurted legs home and tucked them into bed where they wanted to stay well into the next morning but my eyeballs didn't because they popped awake at 8am and it's a good thing the eyelids are there to hold them in which told me that part of me was still pretty giddy from the day before where I think my own little holiday had occurred during this season of celebration. Whew, best weekend ever.

Can I Go Now?

AAAAAAACK! It's a little cold out. I hate that itching sensation that occurs as your skin thaws. I almost wish I could peel my skin off and toss it in the dryer for a little while. Fluff it up a bit.

I missed the college holiday gathering yesterday. Instead, my mom took me out to Groth Music in Bloomington and bought me...get a load of this...an oboe. That's right. I played one when I was a kid all the way through high school but I never owned my own so when I was out of the Mpls Public School system, I was out of an oboe too. In case you haven't heard, Groth Music is having a markdown sale where every couple of days, the prices drop until Dec 31st when most things will be listed for $1. There's probably a decent chance that we could have waited another week or so since oboe's aren't all that popular, but once I saw it and played it, I wanted it right away. It was already half-priced and for a Larilee made in 2000 with grenadilla wood, it's an excellent deal. Since I haven't played in nearly 20 years, it took a moment (okay, several minutes) for me to be able to get a nice sound out of it and remember that using the diaphragm is very important. It's a good replacement for crunches. I can't wait to play it at home and scare the crap out of The Cat.

I'm very jazzed about this weekend. Dahlal Int'l, a belly dance costuming company, will be at Jawaahir on Saturday morning where I will hopefully be able to buy a shirt before the hafla Saturday evening and then race out to a party where I'll get to see people I miss terribly and have funfunfunfunfunfunfun....and then veg out on Sunday. How awesome is that?

Before I can get to that I have to get through the rest of the crap on my desk though. I'm armed with coffee, it should be relatively painless.

Ugh

Boy, some days crap gets to me way more than on other days.

I know someone who's cheated on his wife and his wife doesn't know about it....yet (she will because they always do, ALWAYS). When I point out what a dog he is, he comes back with "You're a prude" as if that'll explain and justify all actions. My anger has nothing to do with sex, believe me, I'm all for it. It's the fact that he knows it'll hurt his wife but he did it anyway. You want to have sex with someone else? Fine, tell your wife that - "Honey, I want to jack-off every ten minutes and you're not around every ten minutes so whadda 'ya say to me having sex with other people?" She may totally go for the idea because she may not want to be around you every ten minutes. Don't hand me the line of how you need to have sex either. No one needs to. Humans need to inhale a combination of oxygen, nitrogen, and water vapor and then consume nutrients and pay their taxes, not necessarily in that order. That's all. Everything else is a want.

Are you really willing to lose the environment you have now; the one with the nice house you've worked hard to buy, the kids you've raised, the relationship you've built with someone whose face you can look into without flinching and find peace and reassurance there? You're willing to throw all of that away for a ten-second orgasm? You know it only lasts ten seconds! Admit it!!

Maybe I shouldn't have had that conversation on a day where the lazy-ass co-worker who doesn't pull his weight is really not pulling his weight; and I'm greeted in the morning with a news story about how punks break into someone's home, beating the hell out of them and stealing their things because they somehow think they're entitled to act like that; and people aren't trying to make me find ways of giving even more money to someone whose had everything paid for him up until this point and now has a major company asking him to work for them but gosh, he may have to pay his own health insurance for a few months...maybe all of these things shouldn't have converged on one day along with the fact that I have access to a keyboard and internet screen where I can lay it all out for you.

That last paragraph made me a little dizzy.

After all of this rage, that one stupid thought keeps coming back to me - you can't force someone else to do something. Things just happen the way they happen and in the meantime, I better check myself to make sure I'm in line with what I'm saying. I know no one's perfect but you have to at least try. Okay, you don't have to be perfect but how about not purposely hurting someone? How about that?

Blip

While it may be a bit nippier than we're used to lately, it's not truly cold yet because my coffee is still reasonably warm after the walk from the coffee house to my office. Although this morning did remind me of how difficult it is for me to get out of bed for the purpose of walking three miles in the cold air. This is why I keep buying the frou-frou coffee; I have to have a reward at the end of the challenge.

As much as I'd love to spit out at least two more paragraphs of stunning prose, I'm running late and have to hit the reports now. Apparently my brain is in a recession.

Guard Your Decorations

Here we all are, back at where ever it was we were on Wednesday afternoon at 3:00pm when many statuses (stati?) on Facebook started to change to "GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF HERE". My phone display shows the date right next to the time. I've glanced over twice already and thought it was lunchtime. What a let-down.

It's that time of year again, time for the holiday TPT Pledge Drive this Wednesday evening. These promos are a lot of fun. It's amazing how goofy one gets when half-dressed in renaissance garb...in a room filled with others half-dressed in renaissance garb. Nerdy? Yeah, maybe but we get free dinner and a chance to wear headsets. I believe our show this time is going to be some type of How-To-Spend-Your-Money-Wisely show. We'll of course be asking for that wisely-spent money during the breaks.

I have a dentist appointment today. I'm thinking of eating a pack of Oreos before heading in. Not because I want to be mean, but the hygienist commented last time that my teeth were very clean and she didn't really need to do anything. I'm going to have to get my money's worth so, Oreos or Butterfingers.

My sweet, adorable, loving little Cat kills anything with fur. This is usually a trait I encourage since he's the only one I want in the house with fur. I have a christmas tree that has fur though. It's one of those white plumage-type trees that I got at The Afternoon after the holidays. I've decided to give it a go and set it out on the kitchen table to see if it get's "killed". I'm wondering if it's just the sight of fur that enrages him or if he can discern inanimate objects covered in a fur-like material. I'll soon find out. Wouldn't that be hilarious to see a cat attack a tree?

Hurry, Before I Lose You

Just a quick one this morning because I have no idea how long my internet connection will last.

Had a second turkey dinner last night with a set of uncle/aunt and mom because mom had her own turkey in the oven when she had to take the pile to the hospital on Thursday. Thus, left over turkey that hadn't been carved yet.

Watched The Departed last night and my crush on Mark Wahlberg is reignited. I'm going to petition Obama to pass a law that Marky Mark has to wear a hollister 24-7...and spew a litiny of profane insults at machine gun speed. Funny how cell phones have changed the face of the gangster movie. While I was watching it, I wasn't all too thrilled with it but when it was over, I decided it was really good. I don't know how that happened.

I'm determined to finish the costuming today so there will be glitter and sequins every where. I hope the cat doesn't digest anything. He's like a little vacuum. If he sees something on the floor, he'll stick it in his mouth first and then decide if he wants it there or not. He's still the best mouser in the universe so he can have his quirks.

The store clerk forgot to take the little ink-filled-alarm-registering thingy off of the shirt so now I have to go back to the frickin' MOA just to have it removed. I'm going to glare at her the entire time.

The cat is up on top of the kitchen cabinets staring at me. Quirky, and I'm okay with it.

That's It??!!

Holy crap, I actually went out shopping today. I had a gift card from my credit card company - you know, those bonus points - for which I also used my credit card when the total went slightly over what the gift card was so this way, I can accumulate more points for another card. Makes sense, right? Totally.

The Starbucks employees are striking by the MOA because they say they're not paid good wages. Everyone wants more money. If you get more money, it means that I now have to take out a loan to get a Ho-Ho Mocha. Wait, that's Caribou. Whatever.

Turkey day was okay. My food turned out damn near perfectly (you don't want things absolutely perfectly because then they don't look like they were made by humans) except that mom didn't make it over until 2:30pm. After getting home from the nursing home on Wednesday, my dad promptly fell in the bathroom and hurt his ankle. It had swollen up to an incredible size on Thursday so the nurse came over, did an assessment and determined that he has six disabilities for which mom can not care for. The X-ray machine was then brought to the house and carted off again to be developed and analyzed at some medical facility. Meanwhile, mom stopped in for food. We had about 45 minutes of enjoyment before the nurse called back and said he had indeed broken his ankle and he would need to be brought into the emergency room. Mom rushed off home to get him hauled into an ambulance then sat for four hours in the emergency room after which it was determined that he could not go home. FINALLY someone in authority decides he cannot be at home because it's unsafe for him. He was carted off to Providence Place again where he sat in misery because he's a miserable person. Anyhoo, Turkey Day came and went in about 45 minutes. Luckily mom left the bottle of white merlot which I was kind enough to polish off for her.

On to christmas.

Finally!!

Finally Wednesday is here. This means that I can start the stuff for deviled eggs. The deviled eggs represent the blue-eyed devils that overtook this land and mass-murdered the occupants at the time. While the butter, onions and CELERY (that's right Ryan, celery) are sauteing, I can trim the foam insulate from around the front door. I could have done that last night but I was busy watching the finale of Dancing With The Stars.

I've got the alarm set so I can get up in time and be out of the shower before Alice's Restaurant is broadcast on KQRS. Sounds slightly anal-retentive, doesn't it? I may be very organized but I'm also capable of spontaneity. Like the time I BOO! ha, didn't see that coming did you.

Okay, so here's the annual list of stuff I'm thankful for:

1. Firemen and wind. Both of which without my house would have burned down when my neighbor's house mysteriously caught fire one night at 3am.

2. Paramedics, EMT's and the like all of whom have stretchers and straps to haul away unwilling participants even when it's for their own goddamn good.

3. My job which pays enough to cover expenses and the FUCKING PARKING TICKET I GOT YESTERDAY FOR PARKING WITHIN 30 FEET OF A STOP SIGN!!!!

4. Netflix which provides belly dancing documentaries; some good and some with Miles Copeland in them.

5. Arms and legs; I'm really glad I have all of mine and can use them appropriately.

6. The Cat who is by far the most efficient mouse-terminator I've ever seen in my life.

7. IAGG for not increasing their prices for, um, since inception so that I can afford to see good entertainment and am then reminded that laughing is really good for you.

8. Not-maxed-out credit cards so I can finally get some good footwear for fest this next year.

9. Living only three miles from work so I can walk and save gas in the car which I'm thankful has a big trunk....to hide the bodies. Just seeing if you're paying attention.

10. The release of the Muppet Show seasons 1 - 3 so I can come up with good sketch ideas. Hopefully next year I'll be able to say that I'm thankful that Muppets Tonight was released.

11. To end on a mushy note, I'm thankful for all of the people in my life; the ones that I don't like because they make me face reality and the ones I do like because even though I live alone and am not officially "attached", I'm never truly alone.

Have a happy Thanksgiving everyone. See you in FIVE days! Woohoo!!!

Almost There

This week is all about coffee and cars. I wouldn't be anywhere without them.

I'm all about getting from point A to point B, rarely do I concern myself with the journey. This character trait helps me to get to Potbelly's for lunch and back within 20 minutes but is a hindrance this week. I have every dish written out with notes on when I can prep things so I don't have to do everything on Thursday. Some things could be done on Sunday, Monday and Wednesday. Nothing can be done on Tuesday because it's either one day too long for something to chill or it's not enough time for something to set. So here I am today, looking back at my list every few minutes, checking to see if maybe there really is something I can do today. I then sigh, put the list down, check the calendar to make sure that it isn't Wednesday yet, and then slowly make myself realize that I'm just going to have to....(ugh) wait...for...Wednesday. I'll read through the Calvin and Hobbes daily cartoon website back to August 2005 to take my mind off of it.

Dad's coming home on Wednesday and I'd love to launch into a tirade about how the health care system sets you up to believe that if you pay for insurance your whole damn life that you'll be covered and oh don't forget we have the lovely Medicare system that pays for everything except that you have to have a 3-day qualifying hospital stay in order for Medicare to kick in and even though you were in the hospital and we discharged you one hour before your qualifying third day you still had to go to a nursing home because you're that incapacitated but we'll make sure that you're family knows that they can never tell you what you have to do but in the very next breath we're going to tell them that they have to come and pick you up and then to top it off we're only going to give them maybe a day's notice to do so. As much as I'd love to launch into that tirade, I won't.

I had dinner with mom over the weekend. She got her new couch. She was explaining to me that it was burgundy but it's a different color burgundy than the first one she looked at. Really? Different color burgundy huh? Don't give me any crap about poking fun at my mother, sometimes she's a really easy target.

I just checked the list again. It's still not Wednesday.

Start Stretching Your Stomach

I shouldn't open my work email until after I write something here and get all comfy at my desk. I did it anyway this morning and exchanged a few um, stern emails with a FUBAR subcontract and now I'm cranky. Oh well, at least I still have all of my limbs. See, when you get angry about piddly stuff like that you have to remind yourself that it could always be worse.

If you missed the IAGG show last night, that's unfortunate because it was wonderful and there won't be one again until 2009 although the holiday season always rushes by and it'll be back before you know it so I guess you're not any worse off except that you missed Jill Bernard's comparison of The Nutcracker to socialism. Too bad she didn't touch on the pedophilia aspect of the story. I'm a bit thankful for that since my mother and I always go to see The Nutcracker every year and this year's turn is coming up on Dec. 13th. I'll just call on my familial traits of tuning the real world out so I'm not bothered by the fact that the wacky uncle is singling out the pubescent girl by slowly creeping towards her with a special gift like he was Gollum giving up the ring, WHY DOESN'T ANYONE STOP HIM...oo, dance of the snowflakes!

All food is bought and in it's proper holding place until the big day which is only three short days away. I've decided that I'm making my own dinner because I absolutely love making a huge dinner like that. I don't know that many people will show up but that'll just mean more left overs for me. I'm fine with that. You know, turkeys aren't as intimidating as you think. It's pretty easy to have them turn out good. You don't need to do the brining thing and you definitely don't need to do the basting thing. I've made two big ones now both with no basting or brining and they've turned out to be wonderful. The problem I have is trussing them correctly. I'm never quite certain how to tie those little fuckers up right. By the time I'm done, they look like little S&M turkeys. I'd make a horrible dominatrix...or a really good one, I'm not sure.

Only three work days this week, how wonderful is that? It's very wonderful.

Dear Days...

Okay Friday, you better be good to me. I've worked really hard and have accepted all the crap your cronies have thrown at me, especially Tuesday, that little bitch. Tuesday was very mean and I want you to kick her ass. I expect you to be very pleasing tonight and to know exactly what I'll need to relax and then go tell Saturday to stretch out because I have a lot of things to do. Sunday is already in my good graces since he'll have the last IAGG for the year, he doesn't need to do much more than that to make me happy.

Listen Friday, I'm not done with you yet. What's with your drunk uncles November and December? Did they really have to put their holidays at their ends? Why don't they stick them up front where we can get them over with? And what's with December thinking he can stick christmas on a Thursday? Thursday??!! I love Thursday. Why does he have to soil Thursday with his stupid holiday? Does December realize that business communication will come to a halt now for his bottom half? If I try to get any answers out of anyone on the 16th, they may respond with "I'll get back to you by the 18th" but really they won't because the stupid office party will be on the 19th for which they have to start getting ready for on the 18th and then the 22nd and 23rd will be "call it in" days because what can you accomplish in two days? and then nothing will end up being completed until 2009. Your uncle's an asshole.

I have to go now because while you may be promising nice things at your end, you're demanding action on my part before I can get to it. Tease.

Where Did All of These Plebs Come From?

If you're just headed out, I feel that I should warn you. It's a bit windy. My eyes watered the entire way to work, which is about 45 minutes. That's a long time for your eyes to water. My cheeks are nice and rosy though.

I'm a big fan of any documentary having to do with the British Monarchy. I couldn't stand Princess Di though. Anyway, PBS is airing The Royal Family At Work which is a slightly remixed version of the Queen Elizabeth documentary they aired last year but that's okay with me. They're concentrating more on the Queen's daily activities and social engagements. One thing I noticed about her is that when she's asking someone a question, which most people would consider inane chit chat, she will look straight at the person very intently, right in the eyes, and really listen to the answer. She's not looking over the head of the person, or looking around the room, she really seems interested in the answer. I think it'd be great to have a conversation with her. I think I'd probably start by asking her if Winston Churchill ever hit on her.

I hope you don't run out of food this weekend because this is it, the big weekend, the weekend to never step foot in a grocery store...the weekend before Thanksgiving. Most of the food items served for this dinner really can't be bought too far ahead of time. Potatoes, veggies, all that stuff really needs to be bought as close to the event as possible. Just to prove how wacked I am, I'm actually looking forward to going to a grocery store on Saturday. No wait, it should be Sunday because that's when the new fliers will be out with all the specials. It's better to go to the higher end stores like Lunds or Byerlys because that's where all the rude people are. It's fun to watch people who are used to waltzing in and picking through the fruit pile for the perfect item with no one invading their space have to start throwing elbows to get to a package of bacon. Yes, there are times that I revel in others' displeasure (is that apostrophe in the right place?).

There's going to be a hafla in Hopkins on Dec. 6th of which I will be dancing in with my class and also doing my quaint little drum solo. I'm nervous again now. I've been practicing it lately and I don't like it anymore. Well, I like the beginning but I don't like the last half. I have to work on my costume again because the coin top I got for the first show doesn't work well with what I do. When I move my arms in front of me, I hit the coins and they stay up which looks hilarious. I'm going to make some goddamn arm bands this time too.

I missed last Monday's class because I wasn't feeling well so Leslie said I could come to tonight's class as a make-up. She was thinking of moving me up to this class anyway. I'm a bit apprehensive about that because I like being an intermediate; you're not a beginner but you're also not held to perfection. I like keeping people's expectations low. Now I may have to forgo that, work harder and actually get better. Hopefully I'll get better. What if I don't? Aaaack! I don't need peer pressure, I provide my own.

I have to go now to write out my grocery list.

Turn the Radio Off, Just Use Your iPod

Another day, another.......day. It's Wednesday right? Yes, I just checked. I forgot what day it was yesterday too. When tomorrow comes, I'll be thinking "Gee, where did the week go?"

Mom got dad into the nursing home again on a short-term stay so far. Hopefully that'll turn into long-term. I think there's a good chance for that. He's been getting weaker quickly and has been having more small strokes more often. His mind is pretty much completely shot. He doesn't make any sense when he talks but instead of being a sweet, confused old man he's a mean, confused old man. That's unfortunate. That means that no one wants him around. The end of his life, which is now, is going to be difficult for him and everyone around him. Oh well.

If you haven't discovered it yet, you may want to brace yourself. Christmas music has begun on the two twin cities stations that must be owned by satan. There should be a law that nothing related to the holiday season can begin until after Thanksgiving. The exception would be the BNW's holiday show. Everyone should see that regularly. It'll help, trust me.

I'm sorely lacking in the writing-capabilities category today. I'll work on that tonight. Now...to the paperwork.

My Nails Are Now Red

Well, there's another weekend come and gone. I ended up spending a fair amount napping due to the double whammy of Nyquil and Dayquil. I felt something coming on Friday and decided to nip it in the bud. I was so sluggish that I think I would have rather walked around with a sore throat. We're all infecting each other right now anyway so don't give me that 'contagious' crap.

Saturday night I went out to the Beirut Restaurant in West St. Paul and holy crap is that place fun. Really good food mixed with really good Middle Eastern music and dancing and people end up staying from 8:00pm - 2am. Reservations are required otherwise you have to stand outside with your face pressed up against the window. It's not a big place.

I enjoyed a nice show at Improv A Go Go afterwhich I got a phone message from my mom saying that dad had another stroke and is in the hospital. She's hoping he stays there for three days so she can get him into a rehab/nursing home facility again and have the tab go to Medicare. Medicare owes her. They wrote a letter dated last November, which didn't arrive until April, saying that dad didn't have the three-day hospital stay required for his last trip to Edina Healthcare. He did but she missed the period to appeal because you only have ninety days to do so or some such thing. Mom started down the long path of trying to show people the discrepancy in correspondence dates and that he did stay in the hospital for three days anyway but got no where with the insurance companies, Edina Healthcare and Amy Klobuchar's office who first told her they would help, did nothing, then said "Oh, we don't really handle things like that". I've gotten off topic. Hopefully he'll be tossed in a facility and this will be a good holiday season.

After not being able to fall asleep right away, I finally started to drift off sometime around midnight when I suddenly noticed bright lights shining through my front door accompanied by knocks and the door bell. This shot me up out of bed to find Minneapolis' finest at my door. My first thought was that there was something going on with the burned out house next door but it turned out to be a wrong address. They were given my address my a security company saying an elderly lady needed assistance. I wasn't her. It's a little unsettling knowing that someone's assistance was delayed because of a possible transposed number. After my heart stopped racing, I fell asleep around 2am. I'm now sleepy. By the way, police flashlights are like spotlights. They lit up my whole living room from just one little hand-held metal tube.

This could be an interesting week.

Hmph

I can feel that today is one of those days where I have little to no patience. That's bad timing because I have two meetings and one college assembly over the lunch hour. I have no patience for bullshit and I have a feeling I'm going to be fed a lot of it today. I also have this sinking feeling that I forgot to turn my headlights off. At least I'll get more exercise walking back the eight blocks to my car. I'd rather have more exercise than a dead battery.

I got the same lovely letter from my county that Fitz got about taxes and I'm not trying to copy him, but I definitely share that same feeling of anger. At least it wasn't like last year's letter that told me there were still back taxes on the property that needed to be cleared up from the previous owner. My taxes are increasing 1.3%. Luckily I'll get a 3% salary increase in June which will net things out to 1.7% overall which is lower than the 4.something% the U of M's union was striking for last year when Obama came through town and wrote a letter to President Bruininks about how unfair he was. I wonder if Obama will blow through town again and write a letter to Hennepin county for me? I don't see that coming. I'll have to take another look at the line items but last night I seem to remember seeing that specifics such as sewer and garbage were decreasing. So it may be that my property taxes will be going more for things that aren't related to my property.

Hmph. At least I have a house and the furnace works...and I can still afford Netflix...which reminds me!....Casino Royale kind of sucks. I was bored to tears. Why were Daniel Craigs' eyes digitized so much? Okay they're blue, we get it. I don't need bright blue laser beams emitting from my television screen. They were scaring The Cat.

Off to other things. Have a good weekend.

Post Script

An hour after I posted yesterday's blog, I thought "Wait! If two of us tied for 5th and then they skipped to 3rd, they did have an extra medal. One marked '4th' which we should have been anyways. What did they do with that medal??!! Why couldn't they have given it to me??!!" That whole situation stinks of deceit.

I have only randomness today:

• I paid my electric bill twice; once online and once by mail. I'd like twice as much electricity for the month now please.
• Since my vacuum is broken and I can't afford a new one and The Cat won't agree to stop shedding, I'm going to dye The Cat blue so he matches the rugs.
• While I respect the office of The President, I am looking forward to George W. Bush leaving office and taking his goofdom with him. Sometimes people may comment about a person like that saying "He's one of those folks you could have a beer with." No, I wouldn't want to even stand by him around a bon fire drinking heavily. Now T.P.ing I might do with him. I think he'd be good at that.
• Cryptic item: Stop following? Really? Stop following? Now I'm going to read everything twice! Maybe even three times. HA! Take that!
• I caught a small group of people trying to pull some crap by using a grant in a way it wasn't intended for. They continued to try to intimidate me by lying and I totally busted them. I feel invincible.
• I left my office keys inside my office yesterday and had to have my co-worker let me into my office this morning. Invincibility was short-lived.
• I am now becoming consumed by the organization bug and am organizing every closet, cupboard, nook and cranny in my living space. Don't stand too close to me, I may organize you.

It's rainy and dark outside. I want to stay in my office and read various news websites. No work, just news.

Let's Tie One On

You know what's great about waffles? Besides the fact that they're waffles and usually nothing more needs to be said? You can make a whole mess of them at once and they'll keep beautifully in the fridge for days. Maybe a nice big plate of warm waffles would help the current senate situation. I don't know how but it wouldn't hurt.

So Sara Palin is now being interviewed in her kitchen while she whips together a chicken salad or a side of moose or whatever it is she cooks. Ooooo, she can wash her hands and talk about energy options at the same time. One clip shows her counting off on her fingers "coal, natural gas, oil..." don't get these mixed up with the eggs and milk. Wouldn't it be funny if she left the refrigerator door open at the same time? That tends to happen when you're in the middle of a culinary masterpiece and you need an onion...and then maybe some cheese...hang on, anything else? Um, no, okay I'll close the door. If her door isn't open during the interviews then I think that proves she really isn't preparing any food item.

I caught a commercial last night on the Blue Pages of the phone book as a place to find legal help. The commercial listed off some situations where you may need legal help. The screen graphic showed "BUI" but the announcer said "Boating while intoxicated" and I thought perhaps the waffles had interfered with my hearing. That wasn't the case though as the next graphic was "SUI" and the announcer said "Sledding while intoxicated." Are we replacing u's with w's? I think there may have been some editing while intoxicated during production.

I have a kind-of-sports question. Let's say that there are four people competing and at the end, there's a first place, a second place and then the last two people tie. Do they tie for 3rd or 4th place? When I was in high school, I tied another girl on vault (I mean that we both received the same score for our performance on vault) and I thought it was going to be 4th place but the judges said we were tied for 5th and then skipped over a 4th place and went on to 3rd place. On Dancing With The Stars, there were 5 couples left with two of them tying and the score board said they were tied for fourth, why weren't they tied for 5th? Just because it's a reality show, I don't think they should be able to just change the rules of tie-dom.

You know what added insult to injury? Not only was there not a type of element associated with my 5th/4th tie, there was only one medal so we flipped and the other girl won. Then my coach bought me a medal so I'd have one too and had it engraved with 6th place!!! I covered it with a piece of masking tape and wrote "5th" over the "6th". I could have written"4th" but I figured the rules of tie-dom were finite and unyielding.

My Nails are Hot Pink

This just in, Queen Elizabeth II is upset at a specially chosen composer (can't remember his name) for his choice in music for Prince Charles' 60th birthday. That man is never going to be king. He's already 60 for crying out loud. I wonder if there's any family tension there. What ever happened to the good old royal intrigue and killings? Has the increase in real-time media coverage put a stop to it? Maybe that and crime labs. Bummer.

I'm not trying to pick a fight or anything, but I finished some christmas shopping this weekend. Actually, all of it. I know that I've already said that no one is getting anything, but timing is everything. See, because I'm paid bi-weekly, I get 26 paychecks in a year which means that 2 of them end up being "extra" paychecks. The usual monthly paychecks go towards mortgage (the first one of the month) and bills (the last one). Twice a year, I get an extra one that falls in between the two usuals. One of those times of the year is this month. It also happens to correspond to me finding some nice gift boxes at Penzy's Spices and then having a flash of creativity and finding other cheap stuff that'll make great gifts. So....I'm done.

In case you are now mad at me for having one of the biggest holiday pains in the ass completed, this next news bit will make you feel better. My vacuum broke. The wiring on the cord finally split and there's no hope because I'm not an electrician and because a cheap Dirt Devil is not worth finding an electrician for. My hand vac also broke. I need to correct that - my hand vac never worked so it' still broken. On Sunday when I tried to vacuum up all of the floating hair balls (both The Cat's and mine), I became enraged at the breakage and threw them both out the back door. That feels really good by the way. If you have an opportunity to do so, throw things out of your back door.

I took the lovely Miss Leslie Kennedy's Turkish dance workshop over the weekend and it was loads of fun. Not so much fun for the calves with all the hopping, but the floor work was great. I'm now into floor work. There's lots of fun, creative things to do on the floor. *snicker* The only thing about practicing floor stuff is that The Cat has to get in there every time. What is it about cats and their tails? They think their tails are the best thing to ever hit this earth. Have you noticed that? If you get your face down to within a foot of the floor, they'll run over and swish their tail in your face "Hey, while you're down here, look at my tail!"

Well, on to getting some work done. Bye.

Alright, if you say so...

Boy, I hope the majority of Americans are right. I really do. I've been witnessing massive outbreaks of joy and happiness around me along with the "status updates" indicating so but I can't seem to share that feeling. I remember it though. I felt like that the first time I could vote in 1992 when I voted for Clinton and was uber excited for all of this "change". Since then, it's been 16 years of presidential disappointment. Within those 16 years, I've also experienced disappointment with us regular Joe's too.

I think I put too much faith in others. I build them up too much so that when they lie or deceive, I take it really hard. Failure is fine, people fail all the time which doesn't mean they're inherently bad, it just means that their actions aren't working out. Lying is different. Lying is an intention to deceive, it's betrayal, it's a very bad thing to do to someone. I try not to believe in things or people anymore, I think it's more realistic to look mainly at the facts and form your opinions from there. If you believe in someone and they end up doing the exact opposite of what they told you they would do and worse yet, purposely deceive you, it can be pretty painful. You wouldn't have to go through that pain if you didn't believe in them in the first place.

Obama has made the claim that he will always be honest about the challenges we face and that if I don't currently support him, he'll try to earn my support. Great, I hope you do. Now that you've said you'll be honest, you damn well better be. One thing I was glad to see is that he didn't mention anything about Joe the fucking Plumber.

Here's What I Think...

I refuse to contribute to the barrage of election result commentary that will attack us for the next several days if not months. Instead, I'll just say that reviewing the actual results is fascinating to me because it's the only time I can gauge what the rest of the country is feeling. I think it's as accurate as we can get. Polls and surveys don't really do it, actual votes do. So I will study the results on a webpage to eliminate the human voices telling me what to make of them, and then use those results to form opinions of the rest of you.

One thing that should be done immediately is to pass a mandatory opening hour law for all coffee houses to be open no later than 6:30am. Waiting until 7:00 is just ridiculous.

I have to go look at a bunch of red and blue bar graphs now.

Where'd The Time Go?

It's November 4th...do you know what that means? It's already four days into NaNoWriMo and I haven't even started yet!!! How did this happen??!! I remember sitting last week just waiting for it to be November so I could start and now I've let four days go by with no activity! This means I have 40,000 words to catch up on today or if I wait for the weekend, that'll be 80,000. I'm very disappointed in myself. Oh, and I get to vote today.



I can't recall any election in the past that I've been so glad to see finally get here. Not because it's supposedly "earth-shattering" because all of them are, but because the ads will finally end. Maybe the news will start reporting on things like the Joint Economic Committee hearings or the crop estimates or the traffic, fuck, anything! Anything! Please, report on anything else! In spite of this little rant, I still do get excited about voting. I'm damn glad I get to do it.



Let's move on to Facebook. Here's an interesting thing that I find is bothering me. People I graduated from high school with are contacting me now. As you may know, when you want to look at someone's profile you usually need to make a request that they add you as a friend. So you add the person as a friend which only means that you give them permission to view your page. Does Facebook have to use the term "friend" for this? Let's make it a little more accurate and call them "authorized personnel" or something a little more cold and unfeeling. That way, when you really want to deny their request because they didn't keep in touch with you starting the hour after the graduation commencement and they barely made you feel like a friend during the high school experience, it won't seem like a personal attack; or if they rebuked your advances or you're still waiting for an answer to the "will you go to the dance with me" question, you won't seem like someone who's harboring past resentment. If I just removed the part of my page where I list my high school and graduation year, I wouldn't have to contemplate things like this.

I have two interviews this week. They came up rather quickly. I've been half-heartedly applying to other positions around the U thinking that a change may be good but I haven't heard back from any of them...until now and then I get two in one week. Our own little micro-market is very tight. People are jumping ship everywhere mostly because of the new financial system and people's reactions to it. How you deal with stress tends to show your real colors. People suddenly discover that they don't want to work with the people they're working with and that any other place would be better than where they currently are. I'm not exactly sure how I feel about my current work situation but I better make a decision about it quickly. I hate wasting people's time. A half-hearted interview is a waste of time.

Speaking of work....

"tis the season for goddamn holidays

One holiday weekend down, only three more to go before we can get back to planning for summer.

I was in costume the whole frickin' day on Friday from 6:00am until 9:30pm and I've never wanted to get make-up off of my face so badly. I was disappointed that barely anyone at the U had dressed up. I love dressing up as Miss Conception (the pregnant beauty queen from hell) because people have such a great initial reaction to it but trying to type with satin gloves on and work with a Barbie tiara digging into your head is difficult. I also had about three meetings to go to that day so I was walking across campus several times. I then also went out for lunch because while I remembered to walk out of the house with everything I needed for my night costume, I forgot to take my lunch. I wasn't ever nervous or self-conscious about being practically the only one in costume walking across campus, but it is difficult sometimes to keep a straight face when you see someone walking towards you who is slowly realizing what your costume is.

After work, I rushed out to St. Louis Park to join my friend's little production that she likes to put on for kiddies in the neighborhood. We haven't done that in a while because Halloween falling during the week is a pain in the ass. I did the quick-change from pregnant mess to somewhat put-together Elvira look-alike. Yes this was appropriate for kids because cleavage did NOT make an appearance that night and I don't have a southern accent. By 9:00pm I was pooped and my feet were killing me to the point where I was actually getting shooting pains through my feet when I would step in a certain way.

Saturday morning I woke up feeling like crap and figured I had spent a little too much time outside in a backless dress. Even though it was warm for October, it wasn't warm for a backless dress and I was chilled the rest of the day. Even though it was nice out, wait, was it nice out? I can't remember. Anyway, I repainted my bathroom and did all the other stuff you have to do when you repaint the bathroom which always includes caulking. I'm getting really good at this. It helps when you use the correct type. See, there's outdoor caulk and there's indoor caulk. If you use outdoor caulk on your bathtub, it'll crack. Just a little hint.

I made three trips out to Ridgedale to get liquid eyeliner (long story) and practice has now commenced. Painting black liquid lines on your eyelids is definitely something that requires practice. I'm not bad considering that I don't have the correct brush. It'll get better. Until then, my coworkers are going to have to put up with me possibly looking pretty frightening some days.

A recap of TV viewing: campaign ads, smearing campaign ads, another campaign ad; American Bellydancer which is a documentary of the "best" bellydancers on tour with Miles Copeland who seems to be the perfect example of the money-grubbing music exec trying to categorize or quantify middle eastern dancers as the best or not the best strictly on whether he likes to look at them or not; Caligula with Peter O'Toole and John Gielgud and I got it because Peter O'Toole and John Gielgud were in it and I figured "how could it be bad?" well, it's...it's...um...holy crist you can get this thing on Netflix?!!; and finally, D.L. Hughley's show had one good episode, the first one, and now it sucks. It sucks so bad that it could suck a watermelon through a garden hose, that's right, the show could suck a watermelon through a garden hose. This show is horrible. Who did this to him? Who's responsible?

Time to make the donuts.

Boo.

WOOHOO!!!!! It's here!!! Halloween!!!!! WOOOOOOHOOOOOOO!!!!! I love halloween. I have not just one costume but two. I get to do a costume change today. How exciting. I am heretofore known as Miss Conception afterwhich I will become this witchy looking thing for my friend's living room window. My friends like to put this thing on, I think I've gone through this before so I'm not covering it again. Anyhoo, it's fun wearing a costume to work. I can't remember the last time I did that. I feel like a little kid. Opening doors with your pregnant belly is fun too. Going to the bathroom will not be. Fun, that is.

Damn it, coffee's kicking in.

She's Got Bette Davis Eyes...if Bette Davis had purple eyes

Another day, another nine hours of pouring through paper with large amounts of tiny numbers on them and staring at webpage after webpage filled with large amounts of tiny numbers. I started wearing glasses when I was about nine and have periodically broken them numerous times. They aren't really broken now, they just have their screws loose and I don't have a little screw driver to fix them. When I got my first pair, I wanted them to be big like Linda Carter's on Wonder Woman. My mom vetoed that so I got a smaller pair but still had the cool turtle-shell type, mottled-looking design on the rims. When I got into junior high, I wanted a pair where the temples came out from my ears but then curved down to attach at the bottom part of the frame. I got them and they soon became a pain in the ass. I barely ever wore them. I haven't worn the pair I have now for so long that I can't remember what they look like. I should look for them tonight after work. It'll be like opening a present. I should also fix them and put them on because I end up squinting by the end of the day.

I was never able to get contacts because I was told that my particular eyesight problem could not be accommodated by contacts. Whatever happened to that huge rage over colored contacts? It started when I was in high school. An Asian friend of mine wanted blue eyes so she got the blue contacts but when put over her dark brown eyes, they only made her look like she had cataracts, or like an aging dog. I'm not calling her a dog but I'm saying her eyes looked like a dog's eyes who is nearing the end of it's life span. I would have wanted purple eyes. Why? Because I saw them in a magazine and they looked really cool.

You know what I miss the most about not having cable? Scary movies around Halloween. There haven't really been any on network TV except for Fallen last weekend. I love that movie but I've seen it a million times so it's not really scary or creepy, I just consider it to be a good movie. I could watch it around christmas and enjoy it just as much. I also miss watching Bravo's Top 100 (or whatever number) Most Scary Movie Moments. Is that even on anymore? It was a great show because it was like one long trailer for a ton of scary movies you may never have heard about before.

Other than that, I don't really miss cable except for C-Span 2 because Comcast moved it off of the basic lineup and up to the package where the digital box is required. Remember when the History Channel used to be about historical stuff? All different kinds of historical stuff? And Bravo was an artsy-cutting edge type of channel that aired good independent movies, widescreen and without commercials? Heidi Klum is not a good independent movie.

Time to get back to squinting. Don't forget to wear your costume to work tomorrow. Someone asked if I was going to wear my "renaissance costume" on Halloween and I almost punched them. Great, now I've become one of those sensitive snobs who insists that you refer to my fest clothing as "garb".

It's Time to Play the Music, It's Time to Light the Lights

So the North East is experiencing some flurries and a bit of wind? The Weather Channel is stating that it could be a historical snow storm? Can someone please give me a small fucking break? Three feet of snow on Halloween in Duluth (the Twin Cities only got 2.3 feet, pansies), with all the roads completely shut down unless you had a snowmobile (which most people did) and my '79 Camaro completely buried to the point where I had to walk forward slowly hoping I would eventually run into the hood, now THAT'S a snow storm. So shut your cake hole Jersey Shore.

I found the first three seasons of The Muppet Show on sale at Barnes & Noble so I have been awash in the bliss that is puppet sketch comedy. I've only gotten through 3/4 of season one, but so far Rita Moreno is in the lead for the best episode. Of course the "Fever" number with Animal is awesome enough to be a big hit on YouTube, but her opening number is phenomenal. It's a dance with a human wearing a muppet head which cuts to a life-size stuffed muppet she whips around over the bar, then goes back to the human, etc. The editing is really good but there are also points at which they couldn't edit so someone had to get the human dancer off and the stuffed muppet on before Rita danced her way back again. Really good stuff. Now it can get as cold as it wants, I've got Muppets to watch.

Cloris Leachman hit the bricks last night on Dancing With The Stars although she claims that she's not going to leave. They may have voted her off but she's not leaving. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I hope I can be like her when I grow up.

Time to go to argue/work.

Monday already?

There's finally a reason to watch CNN...for D.L. Hughley. He has a new show on Sunday nights called "D.L. Hughley Breaks the News" and although most of the content was on the election, we did learn from the international correspondents that India doesn't give a rats ass about our elections because they just sent someone into space and they won a big cricket match.

I had a rather nice weekend although it seemed too short. This means that I've reached the saturation point with relaxation and need to cram more things into the weekend. I'm still on the hunt for a part-time job but I must admit, I haven't been trying all that hard lately. Now I'm going to step it up again because places are hiring for the holiday season. I want to try to get into one of those places and earn at least a few bucks before they realize they don't need any extra help due to the economy.

I finally attended a Villification Tennis show at the BLB Saturday night which was a great show and where Linda did a good job although she REFUSES TO BELIEVE IT!!! The show included a segment of Rik Reppe storytelling. I love this man. I could listen to him for hours. He can tell a story unlike anyone you've ever heard before. No one can touch him. He's a part of the Rockstar Storytellers group that also performs at the BLB once a month (?) and has a performance this Tuesday.

While I would love to see Reppe again on Tuesday, I can't swing the $12 to get in because I'm putting myself back on the Spartan budget plan. I've decided that I really like heat so I'd rather pay for that. Instead, I may try to catch a Six Ring show at the BNW which I haven't seen for quite awhile. Only $1, plenty left over for heat.

Speaking of heat, I love this weather. I really loved it yesterday. I was out in it for a little while and it felt really good to come back inside. That kind of weather gives you a reason to come back inside and get all cuddly. I appreciate it more. I know, I'm weird. I'm also irritated that the word "weird" doesn't follow the "i before e except after c" rule.

Last Chance at a Campfire Mocha

Have you ever seen a black squirrel? I have. There's one in the neighborhood. I see it when I'm walking home from work along the river road. He's really quite striking but the poor thing keeps getting pushed around by the grey squirrels. They pick on him incessantly, always putting the black squirrel down, brother can't get a break.

The Caribou in Dinkytown is closing. Dinkydome will be expanding on that block by building underground parking and a 12 to 15 floor housing complex. This will take until September 2010, or so the PR people claim. In the meantime, Caribou must close. This is enough to drive my poor co-worker, Georgia, over the edge. Georgia has worked at the U for close to 20 years but she had a break in there for about a year where she officially terminated her appointment so she doesn't get the retirement benefits of a twenty-year veteran. If you terminate and then come back, you start over. She was eligible for the early retirement package offered this year but can't take it because the retirement benefits are not enough for her to live on. She has to keep working. She's a nervous type, a big worrier. She's also scared to try new things, not just apprehensive or uneasy about trying new things, she's downright scared. She's told me this several times. She's complimented me several times on my courage to go out and try to learn the new system. Georgia is floundering in the sea of change.

On the other side of the spectrum, there's Fred in Facilities Management. Fred is not just in Facilities Management, he is Facilities Management, he's the whole department. He alone is responsible for all of the physical space the college occupies which includes about 13 buildings across two campuses. He oversees all of the physical office moves which have been extensive and non-relenting since 2006. Plans are made and begun then plans suddenly change. Fred is the most anal-retentive person I have ever met. He puts me to shame. To look at him, you'd think he would be more like Georgia but he's the exact opposite. He's doing just fine with all of the chaos. We had a meeting last week where he mentioned that one has to be flexible throughout every aspect of their life if they want to get through it well. So while his office is perfectly laid out with every pencil in it's proper drawer tray and piles of documents laid out at 90-degree angles to each other, there's this whirlwind of activity around him. He's like the eye of the hurricane. Nothing bothers him. The only thing I don't get is why he painted his office dark navy blue. It's like working in the middle of the night every day.

Personality assessments aside, another weekend is upon us. I'll be attending the VilTen performance at BLB (hopefully it isn't sold out yet) and getting back to IAGG. Speaking of IAGG, I caught a small portion of the Second City documentary on PBS last night. Since the topic was Second City, I wasn't surprised to hear people gushing over how great Second City is and how awful it would be if Second City never existed but I think the Brave New Workshop is better. I could be biased, I'm not sure. I want every one to know how great the place is and how talented every one is that ever performs there but I don't want any bigwigs coming in trying to take over the place or worse yet, trying to take the talent away. Sorry improvers, you'll just have to sacrifice your future financial security for my own selfish wants. Stay here where I can easily see you.