Delta Force Cat Strikes Again!

Yes, Delta Force Cat completed another mission last night but I must say, he was less like Chuck Norris and a little more like...um...like...a cat toying with a mouse. He caught and then un-caught and then caught the mouse for TWO AND A HALF HOURS before finally eating him quite loudly. I think he chews with his mouth open.

That makes three mice in seven months which may sound like a nice record to some but not to me. I intend on coating the entire structure with foam insulate. Then I'm going to replace my entire flooring with marble and add cement walls. That should also reduce the possibility of a house fire so perhaps I could get a discount on my hazard insurance.

The three-day weekend is upon us and my plans are to get 150 people drunk and probably sweat profusely while doing it. It sounds like it's going to be a bit of a hot one. That's fine. I have a shower. I'm sure everyone else is thankful that I have a shower too. Perhaps some of you will take this weekend to tend to your yards. I haven't tended to mine in a couple of weeks now. It looks like the Munster's back yard. I have four hanging baskets of dead flowers, strings of morning glories with no flowers because they grew too late in the season and won't have time to bloom, stalks of gladiolus' with no flowers because they grew too late in the season and won't have time to bloom, one big sunflower with no sunflower on it because the squirrels chewed into the side of it and it's head is now droopy and wilted, and patches of the grass are longer than other patches. My climbing rose is still doing well though.

I've finally received the DVD of Gypsy Caravan from Netflix after waiting three months for it's release. It's a documentary about a six week tour of four or five different musical groups all from different countries yet the one thing they all have in common are that they are Romani, or Gypsies. The music is really good. There's one famous violist who can play without a bow, he ties a string and plays it across the other strings. It ends up sounding kind of East Indian. Did you know that the collective term for gypsy is Roma? I think I detect a slight character change coming.

Accomplishments

Instead of preparing for a 9am meeting, I've chosen to write this because I need one thing in my day that I can start and complete besides peeing.

Does anyone want to take any bets on if Tim Pawlenty is called this afternoon by McCain to be his VP, that we'll all know about it before tomorrow? How do you keep a phone call like that secret? Did Tim give McCain his cell phone number? Is Tim going to be able to not jump up and down like a little kid if he gets the call? "What? I got it?? Woo hoo!! I mean, um, sure honey...roast beef would be fine for dinner."

The U has sent out a mass email alerting us to the possible traffic nightmare that could occur next week due to classes starting at the same time as the RNC. I'm walking to work. There's no way my car is even going to be taken out of the garage next week. I live relatively close to the grocery store, I'll be fine. I still want to take a beach chair down to the Xcel Center to watch the hubbub. I might even get to see a protester get battered. Woohoo for freedom of speech.

Okay, time to head over to the HR Manager's office to hear what type of reporting needs she has only to tell her that I won't be able to provide it for some time. Ah, technology.

Hurry, They're on Their Way

My blinkers are out. I'm referring to my turn signals on my automobile. It happened last Friday night. I haven't had a chance to take it in yet (the whole car not just the blinkers) because it also needs an oil change. I've gotten used to sticking my arm out the window to signal but driving on the freeway at night makes that option pretty useless when you're trying to change to the right lane. It's also a drag on rain days like today. After you get over the first shock of rain hitting you in the face, it's not so bad.

I've also left my wallet at home today. I put it in a different bag last night and forgot to fetch it this morning. Catchy word, 'fetch'. It's not used very often anymore when not also talking about dogs, or to dogs. Now I'll have to inch my way home hoping that no one pulls me over for nonfunctional turn signals.

The campus is buzzing with the inevitable arrival of students next week. There are welcome week activities in most buildings and nice lawn areas, roads are blocked off so parents can park and boot their kids out of the car with their belongings, and faculty can be seen to be running frantically down the hallway exclaiming about how they're not prepared yet and how did the end of August get here so fast. We had our college assembly yesterday morning. My poor college. Literally. We're millions of dollars in the hole due to a multitude of reasons but there are also two different plans to get us out of the trench by 2010 and have all debts paid back by 2012. Don't let the word 'millions' alarm you. When you're dealing with a very large institution with smaller institutions within it, this is not out of the ordinary. Along with the "budget crisis", we've lost our star dean which has created a slew of political groups to which you could belong. Some even have initiation rites held at the full moon. At yesterday's assembly, the associate deans attempted to quell the rumors and bring everyone back to being a cohesive unit again. They did a good job at explaining the true financial state and what will have to happen with spending. There was no sugar coating or out-right lying so I was pleased about that. The Provost (2nd in command after the University President) stopped in to say that he would be naming an interim dean who would hold that position for two years while the college becomes "structurally sound" again. He listed off some attributes that the interim dean would need to possess and one of them was "emotional intelligence". I found that term to be interesting. If everyone had emotional intelligence would there be no more hissy fits? Just wondering.

The Provost also made mention of an upcoming University-wide capital campaign to begin fall of '09. His statement was that we "don't want to fall behind on philanthropic giving". So, you philanthropers out there, don't start slacking now. We can't get behind on voluntary donations otherwise we'll have to get tough with you. I've got $0.15 in my desk drawer that I'm giving. I'm doing my part.

A faculty member asked an interesting question yesterday. He wanted to know what the associate deans were going to do about morale. He stated that he found it difficult to come to work some days with a smile. This coming from a man who makes it a habit to circumvent the policies to get what he wants making it difficult for others around him to come to work with a smile. But to address his question, really what can others do to improve your own morale? There are a few things I guess like getting a pat on the back every now and then or maybe some days off with pay or being treated to lunch but other than that, it's pretty much up to each individual to decide what kind of attitude they're going to take on a particular day. The associate deans are not going to change everyone's disposition all on their own. We all have to decide that we'll smile at each other once in awhile. Another faculty member grabbed the microphone on her way out and said "In answer to the morale question, we have incoming freshmen. That's your answer". Most people seemed to agree with this answer.

It is exciting to see new people coming in excited about their future and what they're going to learn and if you really think it's possible for them to become a lawyer or a scientist or a teacher. They kind of look at you as if to say "Do you really think I could do that?". Honey, anything's possible. I don't call them honey though because I'd get sued.

A list of things for weekend 2

A brief synopsis of weekend 2's blunders:

1. Used the word 'crap' extensively in a crafter's booth where (unbeknownst to me at the time) The Head Honcho was seated after being told by said Head Honcho to watch the mouth and make things more family-oriented.*
2. Stammered over a particular sentence during Sunday's wine tasting that sounded good in my head but came out all bass-ackwards. After being given several re-tries by Linda I still continued to screw it up and called our guests liquor-heads.
3. Forgot to file the notch in the sword where Missy places her hand which could lead to massive blood loss but could also increase our viewership (at the expense of Missy's hand which she probably won't agree to).
4. Almost stole someone's bit during parade by using the "stick on a stick" thing but quickly abandoned the idea when I saw the originator of the idea in line with his stick on a stick (this one could be on the list below since it didn't come to fruition).
5. Stepped in poison ivy in an attempt to bust through a stage show.

*In my defense, it was very dark back in the corner of the crafter's booth and Head Honcho was wearing sun glasses and who would wear sun glasses in a dark corner unless they didn't want to be seen in the first place??!!

Things that went pretty damn well for weekend 2:

1. Busted through a stage show (hopefully they thought it was maybe-kinda-sorta-funny-in-a-way).
2. Outsold the Queen's Tea and the Smoker although I didn't get a final count on the Smoker which could have overtaken our 42 people for wine on Sunday.
3. Was able to pace myself better for both days and didn't ever really hit a lull or complete lack of energy at any point on either day (thanks to cold press coffee).
4. Didn't drop my weapon during any of the fight scenes.
5. Talked to millions (okay, hundreds) of people of which I enjoyed each and every conversation even if it was only a one-sentence exchange.
6. Got to watch two masters at work as The Rat Catcher and The Jester went at it on Sunday.
7. Laughed uproariously as La Batard's new character kicked people out at Saturday's closing gate.
8. Didn't break anything.

Not bad for 20 hours.

The Voice of Self-Doubt

Sure you're my "friend", wait, what do you look like? Okay now try this angle and this lighting...changed my mind but I'm not going to tell you. Ha! What an idiot! You fell for it. That proves how stupid you are. I was right, you are stupid...and ugly...and fat. And you're really annoying. Don't you know how annoying you are? That's because you're stupid. I know what I said months ago but that was months ago. It's too bad you're not as good as me. When are you going to get the hint that I want you to stay as far away from me as possible? Oh, I forgot, you're stupid.

I'm sorry, I was born to stupid parents who had me only to provide them with either a body guard or punching bag depending on the parent and you'd think you'd one day grow up and out of that but you never really do. Hopefully I will when they're dead. Until then, I'm not stupid, I'm just distracted yet I remember most things you say and will remember them for a long time so you better watch yourself you arrogant ass.

Running the risk of being called crazy, sometimes you just have to get stuff like that out.

Ups and Downs

I can happily report that I did indeed get the dye on the clothing although there were some twists and turns. The first color, which was intended to be the only color, did not come out as "wine" like it indicated on the bottle. It was hot pink. I made an executive decision that hot pink would not be period so I sent it through the dye cycle again with dark brown and now have the burgundy/wine/brick red color I was hoping for. Whew! Now that I know the secret combination, I will repeat the process with more material. I've decided that tan next to my face makes me look splotchy and the arm pits turn green if water hits my green bodice. This is earth-shattering stuff, I know.

The one thing about this time of year is that I tend to get all amped up. It may seem like an exaggeration but really, this festival catches you by surprise. You may walk in thinking "All I have to do is walk around and talk to people" like it'll be a ride on the bus where you'll say something to the person next to you and then they'll get off at the next stop and you'll never see them again. You'll walk out of the day having become invested in these stranger's lives and wanting to somehow make the next encounter better and god forbid if they clap for you, you'll want to take them home and make them dinner.

Last weekend there was a couple riding around in those Runaround Scooters. They came first thing in the morning where we made them race through the front gate. It may sound cruel, poking fun at the elderly, but we weren't doing that. They were all for it and the women tore off - I mean peddle to the metal - and won while her husband was looking at the map. The same couple showed up at closing gate NINE HOURS LATER and we did the same thing heading them out of the front gate. This time the husband won. This story may not translate well into a blog but if you were there, chances are you couldn't wipe the smile off of your face for several minutes.

I'm starting to blather on and am unable to communicate the thought correctly but let's just leave it with the statement that you become emotionally invested in strangers' lives and it spills out into the work week. You are suddenly thrust back into the day to day grind where people around you make a point of shutting down, building walls, and doing anything to not become emotionally invested. It turns me into a roller coaster of emotions. I'm very excited one minute, almost manic thinking about the next thing to do when the opportunity arises to feeling hurt and depressed from the lack of reciprocal energy. I mistake people's comments or lack of comments to mean that I have somehow screwed up or angered them when a month ago I wouldn't have given it another thought. Geezus, I gotta call that therapist.

So anyway, it's going to be an absolute beautiful weekend so head down to Shakopee and exchange some energy....or be a linesmen for scooter races.

Don't Turn Around

Here's another irritating thing about the Olympics, who keeps letting the camera men on the track to fill the screen with the athlete's face?? I find that incredibly irritating and I'm not even the one competing. Gee, no pressure kids - here you are, the world's eyes on you, after spending all of your future college fund and/or retirement fund in training to get here, if you fuck up you'll never be quite the same again, oh..and smile pretty! The other night I thought I would partake of a few track events so I settled in for the women's 400m but my couch cushion was off just a bit so I sat up, turned around, adjusted the seat cushion, sat back down and had missed the whole race. Now that's some fast running.

Is it just me or does Michael Phelps look like he's wearing a halter top?

Speaking of fast, I managed to whip out two more chemises last night after mowing the lawn. Tonight I get to play with some dye. I hope I get some on the material.

Hey Spellcheck, Stop Changing Improv to Improve

It's Wednesday, right? Am I right on that? I tend to lose track of days during the weeks now. It becomes just one long Monday until Saturday morning comes around again.

I'm taking the Performance Skills class/course/set of six classes thing from the lovely Ms. Leslie Kennedy which ends with a performance somewhere in the 7 county metro area of which I'm not prepared to tell you exactly where yet. It began last night with intro talking stuff and then some improv. I didn't get to stand up with a partner imagining we were lost in the desert running from aliens, instead I stood up with two other women and had to dance to something I hadn't heard before and concentrate on my face. I can report that while being a bit nerve-racking, it was fun. I thought dancing without choreography was called "winging it" but apparently the term improv is used throughout a multitude of art forms. So there you go. We had to do this twice during the night and on the second go-around, I found that I couldn't get myself out of the latin/conga groove I slipped into. This is what happens when you don't practice for over a month. I still have to get my hands on some Mylar so I can practice in the garage (my living room is too small).

Miss Busybody is leaving my financial team on Friday and today is her little "going away" gathering. I must say I'm quite excited. I get rid of someone who drives me crazy and I might get cake. Don't you wish that would happen more often?

We Interrupt You Now With.....

I tried to sit and work and do work. I really did. I didn’t succeed. My mind won’t stay on the task at hand. Instead, it keeps envisioning things like contraptions that encourage items to become airborne and that’s all I’m saying about that. Other memories from the weekend started to eek back into my mind as well. One in particular was a Come to Jesus moment. A performer I have looked to for years as if she were some type of spring of performing perfection became emotional over a situation that seemed to have no good resolution. That moment really drove home some of the reasons why the veteran veterans keep coming back, they really care about their patrons. They really want to make sure that people enjoy themselves properly (obnoxiousness and revelry could most definitely be proper). It’s not about how many people flirt with them in a day or if they get credit for an idea or if they think someone else may have spoken badly about them. They care about creating a good experience for their patrons. Not the patrons but their patrons.

While I was annoyed with the wine show situation, it hadn’t occurred to me to tear up about the possibility that someone may not have the best experience possible. I hadn’t reached that point in the customer service evolutionary process; the point of imagining that you’re a patron whose just had a horrible week, maybe your dog died or your spouse died and you want to go back to the place where a year ago you had a complete blast hoping to have another blast so that you can forget about things for a few hours but when you get there things just aren’t as exciting and so that’s one more thing that’s let you down. I hadn’t reached that point yet, but now I’m thinking about it more.

I said a million stupid things this weekend. Most of them I couldn’t believe actually fell out of my mouth. I said something stupid around the Mayor’s Entourage, the Muses, and the Queen to whom I’ve said and done so many stupid things for two years now that I don’t even bother slapping my forehead anymore, I just sigh and move on. The rest of the stuff I said to everyone else wasn’t necessarily stupid but was quite a change from what I said the years before. Just about everything had a sexual context and I swear to god I didn’t mean it to turn out that way, it just did. It was as if I hadn’t had any….um, never mind.

I’m going to try and go back to work again. That report isn’t going to run itself.

Weekend one

Weekend one down, six to go. Other than having a bowl of dust in my stomach, I feel pretty good. I have one welt/bruise on my forearm and one almost-torn-off pinky nail but no black eyes but I'm not sure if that's good or not because really, it's not a party until someone gets a black eye. I did lose my $4 watch and even though it was only $4, it took me forever to set the damn thing so I'm quite upset to be without it now. I'll have to head back to Target to see what they have on clearance again.

I had a pretty cool encounter on Sunday after the morning fight scene. As I was walking away from getting my butt kicked, one of the men watching came up and said that it reminded him of when he used to do that in 1974. That's the first year that the faire opened and he played a monk carrying a quarter staff. Younger men would come up to him with small swords and he would disarm them. He always knew the other guys and everyone was aware of their skill levels but they didn't choreograph anything. His name was MacDuff the Insane. Fight scenes used to break out all over the place back then (or so I'm told) which at first sounds great to me but as another performer pointed out to me, in this age of litigation you'd never be able to do that now. Oh, then there's that whole skewering of innocent bystanders thing.

I have to get my brain back into work which I consider only an interruption of my plotting for the next weekend. During these next seven weeks, I end up carrying a small notebook around with me everywhere so that when ideas pop into my head at an inopportune time, I can quickly jot something down. Hopefully five hours later I'll be able to remember what I meant by "trebuchet bloomers".

So, when do I have to be there?

The weekend's almost here and I have no plans. What?! How can that be, you ask? Allow me to explain. I have geographical locations to report to at certain times of the day but not much planning after that. There's cast call at 8:00am, opening gate 9:00, fight scene 11:00am, parade 11:30am, wine show 1:45pm, fight scene 4:00pm, codswallop 5:00pm, closing gate 6:00pm, drive home and cuddle in my cozy bed after scrubbing my feet clean 10:00pm, zzzzzzzzzzzz at 10:02pm. Get up and do the same thing on Sunday. See, no plans other than to show up and open my mouth to see what falls out of it. I'm hoping it's something good.

Picture courtesy of Deadbishop's Gallery

Stop waving that stupid flag, he's only swimming!

I'm just not into the whole Olympics thing this go-around. I want to be really happy for Michael Phelps but there's just something that's preventing me from doing so. I'm not exactly sure what it is. I saw him win one of a gazillion medals and break yet another world's record Tuesday night and he didn't look happy. He actually looked a little upset about it. Perhaps if he felt he didn't do a good job he should have tried to trade for the bronze. NBC aired a little segment on Phelps calling him the best athlete in Olympic history, or something very close to that phrase (sorry, I can't remember verbatim). It may be that he's won the most gold metals (has he? I haven't kept track) but would that automatically make him the best athlete? There are too many different kinds of sporting events and I don't know that you can compare all of them and come up with one best athlete.

I would now like to take this time to rail on the state of Olympic gymnastics. These stunted little beings are having cameras shoved in their faces during the times when they are trying to concentrate the most or need just one fucking moment to get over their last performance. This much airtime is also turning the coaches into a bunch of Norma Desmonds who are willing to push their own progeny out of the way of their camera shot. I want normal girls back like Olga Korbut and Ludmilla Tourischeva who actually had personality. They displayed normal emotions such as happiness, anger, arrogance and sadness all at one time just like any other teenage girl...you know, normal. All I see now is the same panic-deer-in-headlights look - oh, I'm sorry, I mean that intense look of determination and drive to win, yeah, whatever. Maybe they should stop pulling their hair back so tight. And what's with all the glitter makeup???!!! There's no makeup in gymnastics!!! We used to get points taken off in high school for that!!! No makeup in gymnastics!!! And don't stand there for so frickin' long in the corner of the mat trying to amp yourself up for that next big pass on the floor. There's music on, move to it. It's called choreography. Try it, you'll like it. Okay, I'm done with that.

What else is in the news? Let's see. Oh! The heart-transplant guy who tried to murder a stranger for his heart. There's an interesting twist. Usually transplant patients are on the top of any "I feel sorry for you, here, take my seat" list. This guy is going to ruin it for all the other transplant patients. I for one plan on making sure my address isn't visible to any patient awaiting a liver, kidney, heart, lung, or eye transplant. Any other body part I'd probably be willing to negotiate on.

Honey-do list, but there's no honey so it's more like me-do list.

The only bummer about living in Minneapolis is that is farther away from S.R. Harris than when I lived in St. Louis Park. I will be making yet another trip up there this evening for a few last minute things then it's on to scabbard-making. I might even throw in some sock-making but that all depends on time...and motivation. Right now it's easy to think about how I don't really need socks since it's summer but that one morning I have to walk through long grass covered in cold dew, I'll be wishing I had socks.

The lawn has to get mowed before these other fun activites take place so while I'm hoping we get enough rain to soak the ground so I don't have to water, I also want the grass to dry out enough so I can mow. Wow, can I be any more of a diva? Wait, diva's don't mow.

The reporting mechanism in the new financial system at my place of employment is finally up and running. It's not running at a full-out gallop but the canter is getting faster and faster every day. While I'm happy to finally know how much money we have or don't have, I'm not so happy at the prospect of spending after-work hours to figure that out. Functional financial system or not, deadlines are still deadlines.

I could go for a nice book right about now. Something that will be interesting, nay riveting, and able to be finished by Saturday. Any suggestions?

Bummer.....

I was in 9th grade at Roosevelt High school in 1985 when my English teacher, Ms. Brockel told us about this comedy duo at a place called the Renaissance Faire right here in Minnesota and while I was trying to picture what in the hell that might be, she went on to rave about how funny these two guys called Puke and Snot were and I decided right then and there that THAT was the place for me.

One thing the MN Renaissance Faire is known to by just about all outsiders (those who don't own a chemise or bodice) is Puke and Snot as seen here. The other thing known about the faire is the rate at which news and/or rumors spread. The unfortunate rumor yesterday which happened to finally be true is that Thomas Snot (Joe Kudla) died yesterday.

I never knew him, I only knew of him but I will for some time to come always think of him whenever I blow my nose. Cheers buddy!

Wait, one more thing....

Boingity boingity boingity boingity....this is me jumping around. Now begins the week of not-standing/sitting-still. This week is like one long christmas eve before you open presents. It may not be exactly what I want when I open it, but I sure am hoping for the best.

This is going to be my tenth year out at fest and I have now learned that no matter how much you accomplish beforehand, there's ALWAYS one more thing you could get, one more chemise you could sew, one more idea you could add to the repertoire before the first cannon goes off. You're never completely done getting ready. At least I'm not. Maybe others can do it. I'd like to meet them and learn their secrets.

What a beautiful weekend, huh? I started out the beautiful Saturday with a classic blunder. I went to Home Depot to pick up a new screen door to replace the screen door that my friends dogs were nice enough to put a hole in. It's 35" wide and 72" tall. I pretty much knew it wouldn't fit in my car but I had to give it a shot anyway. After about two minutes of attempting different angles I gave up and tried the trunk. If I could just get it to stay in the trunk without slipping out, I could make it home because I didn't have far to go. I could even take side streets. After pulling out of the driveway and having the trunk hood slam down on it, I decided that was a horrible idea so I pulled over and tied it to my roof. I did a good job; it was secure yet not scratching any paint and it didn't take me long either. Satisfied with a job well done, I attempted to open my car door only to be thwarted. I had opened the car windows to tie the door down and in the process, had tied my doors shut. It was a classic "Aw shit!" moment. It's too bad that there wasn't someone else there with me to watch me as I began my tying. I could imagine being that person; standing there, seeing the first rope put through the inside of the car via the windows, seeing plain as day how the doors are also being tied shut and just waiting for that moment when the dummy reaches for the door handle and can't get in...only the dummy was me. I was not willing to undo all that damn tying so I just jumped in via Daisy Duke style and proceeded home.

When I got home, I put the new door on the old tracks and spent the next 20 minutes trying to get the fucking thing to work. I employed a flathead screw driver, my foot, yelling, and my patented glare. Delta Force Cat even ran away in fear. I finally gave up and went inside to sew three more chemises and a pair of bloomers.

Off to work now. Have a lovely day.

Pressing my Dresses

Dress Press was a blast last night. It was a fricken' beautiful evening for starters which makes anything you have to do better. It was really nice to see friends again. It's as if we were just all together last weekend, as if fest never ended, gee I've had that feeling before.

All the people that came seemed really happy to be there. They get the whole fest thing so you're usually safe to engage anyone, you don't get the eye-avoidance/stay-away-from-me feeling. One woman hopped out of the long line for the Fortune Teller after being sick of waiting and asked me to read her palm instead. I predicted that she was going to save a dog from a tree and become famous yet poor. She seemed excited about this. It probably wasn't the best thing I could have come up with but it's the first day back on the job and I'm a little rusty.

I've been given orders to check out a British sitcom on YouTube called IT Crowd. Apparently it's hilarious. I will be reporting back at a later date.

Shh, no speaking

I have an invoice for two cadavers. Not everyone can say that. There's an anatomy class that uses them. They cost a little over $500 each. Something to keep in mind in case you're thinking of donating your body after your death. If you think you're worth more than $500 you may be disappointed but then again, you'll be dead.

My neighbors have quieted down quite a bit. It's the house where Kevin used to live until he had a heart attack at work and keeled over. His nephew moved in while the rest of the family worked towards selling the house. The nephew is a nice enough guy, he just likes to crank up the stereo starting at 11pm on a week night. This has prevented me from being able to have an open window while I sleep. I like the breeze. That's all changed now because mama has stopped over and brought her aunt with from North Carolina. Great Aunt apparently does not appreciate loud music or late nights so the lights (and everything else) has been off by 9pm. Ahhh, silence. I'm an old person trapped in a middle-aged person's body.

On the other side of my house, the little 2-yr old has been practicing her stage projection for most of the summer. This little girl has quite the set of lungs on her. She went into a tirade yesterday evening for about 30 minutes. This is what children do and I realize this, but I think what may help the situation is to PUT THE KID TO BED BEFORE 9PM!!!!!!!! This little girl is up well into the 10pm hour almost nightly. No wonder she's cranky during the day. I get cranky during the day too if I'm up too late (old person in middle-aged person's body).

Dress Press is this evening, that lovely annual event where performers get a little warm-up before the big event to what is theoretically supposed to be the media but ends up being mostly friends and family of people who are connected. I don't care who they are. I've never had a problem with any of them so...bring 'em on. It's also nice to play on the grass while there's actually grass there. See, about two weekends into the season the grass disappears.

Speaking of grass, I didn't mow mine yesterday. It's actually green right now so I'm reveling in the color. I'm afraid that if I make that cut, it'll turn yellow again. Oh well, there's always next summer.

Speaking of summer, does it seem like this summer's temperatures feel hotter than they are? I remember over the last several years where the temp's have been in the '90s on a regular basis and I managed to get used to it. This year, they've only crept into the low '90s for maybe 5 minutes yet I find myself uncomfortable with the heat. Oh I forgot, old person in middle-aged person's body.

Speaking of forgetting, what was I going to say?

Speaking of saying, I'm getting sick of speaking now so I'm going to end this and bop over to my new addiction so try and come up with a witty status.

What Fresh Hell Is This?

I don't think my wine glasses made it in. I crafted a nifty little display to pimp the wine show on the TPT pledge drive last night and set it up in front of my little station but I don't think it ever made it on camera. I'll have to watch Thursday night when it's repeated. I did get one of the "talent" to call for tickets though. I can be pretty persuasive when I need to be.

While things were joyous and light-hearted on the outside last night in the studios, an undercurrent of darkness, oppression and forebodingness lurked across a majority of the computer screens in the form of.......Facebook. A soldier of misfortune sitting near me began the evildoings by "inviting" me to join. Yes join, join the ranks of the once innocent who are now slaves to flair and constant status updates. I'm very weak-willed so the enticement of the mini-feeds hit me like a freight train. Pledges be damned, I have to find friends and beg for their recognition while trying to decide upon leaving a comment or adding to their wall and my god what am I going to enter for my favorite book??!!! I no longer cared about the difference in seating between the $240-level Celtic Thunder tickets and the $360-level Celtic Thunder tickets, I needed to update my status to let the world know that Tina Turner was on and everything should come to a halt (in reverence of her Highness). The night became a blur of screen changes between profile-edit-profile-edit-profile-edit with an appearance in the form of an actual human coming over to tell me that I needed to update my flair and put it on my bulletin board - but it's a computer screen!!! There's no bulletin board!!...oh, there it is. Nevermind. Fuck livejournal, they don't have a bulletin board.

Excuse me, I have to go change my "famous quotes" section because I put really snarky stuff in there last night. Don't anyone read it until I'm finished. I'll poke you when I'm done.

P.S. Ralph Nader just added me as a friend so suck on that blogger!!

Where the hell am I?

I love Minneapolis. It's a great city. Apparently it's so great that Michelle Bachmann is hoping Dick Cheney will come here for the Republican National Convention. Is she crazy stupid or crazy like a fox? Maybe her secret agenda is to lure Dick Cheney here instead of where the convention actually will be where his oppressing political power will subdue the peoples of Minneapolis serving to widen the Republican net and control the entire state of Minnes...no, she's just stupid.

In case you missed the antics, Michelle Bachmann was on Larry King Live last night around the time of 7:15pm at which point Larry asked her if Dick Cheney should go to the RNP. Michelle's enlightened response was that "everyone should come to Minneapolis" because it's a beautiful city. Not beautiful enough for the convention but maybe Dick could buy a house here and just hang until the RNP makes it to Minneapolis.

I was hoping to find a video to insert here but I can't find anything yet this morning. Maybe this afternoon something will find it's way onto the internet and I can edit. One can only hope.

I have another nugget of information for you. If you feed a mouse a marshmallow, it'll explode. How do I know this? My neighbors found an exploded mouse carcass surrounded by a marshmallow in their house over the weekend. I wonder if that'll work on rabbits? I have two bags of marshmallows and I'm willing to give it a try.

Dibs on the nearest bed

Although the fluffy fucker still lives, the sling shot has been purchased (along with plenty of ammo) and is sitting next to the back screen door ready for action should the opportunity arise. It didn't arise all weekend. It's like he knows I have it. Scary.

The landscape is manicured and hopefully will remain so until Sept. 29th which is when I'll have time to get back to it. The windows were washed also so now I can see out of them as I fall asleep on my couch which was the fourth most common thing to happen over the weekend. The to-do list was pretty wiped out except for the mouse-hole covering with foam insulation and other implements of destruction. I also didn't paint the bathroom but I have it all prepped so the hardest part is done. Painting is easy. It's even enjoyable. I like watching color magically appear from my hand (okay, it's from the paint on the brush) and it's zen-like to see how close to the edge I can get without using painters tape. I'm really good at that.

I just sneezed while trying to put something in my mouth. It was part of a muffin. I thought I could beat the sneeze. Now I have muffin all over my keyboard.

Like I was trying to say earlier, plenty of work was done this weekend and in between time, plenty of sleep. I was tired by 8:00pm on Saturday and hauled my half-functioning body to bed at 9:30. Sunday, I completed the food-buying and screen-door-pricing before 11:00am but after putting food in it's rightful place, I fell asleep on the couch until 2:00pm. I better not be getting sick. I therefore did not attend any fringe shows or movies but did make it to IAGG although I started yawning before intermission and pretty much kept up through the end of the show. That's no reflection on the quality of the show because it was quite stellar. No surprises there.

I can't wait for summer to get here. A chance to relax, unwind, play, enjoy lazy afternoon's with nothi...wait, it's not 8:04am but 8/04? Fuck. Maybe next year.

Die Bunny Die!!

Last night while driving home from the airport, I had good ideas for a blog today but have now forgotten them all. Why can't we get to the point in technology where you can just hook your brain up to your computer and have your thoughts pop out on a blog? Let's get moving on this. I'm sure there would be no bad side effects as well as no adverse societal repercussions because of it, we're a very responsible society.

I'm getting waist-deep into the Medicaid stuff now and holy smokes can this stuff be confusing. Just when you think you have it figured out, you read ahead to another paragraph that seems to contradict everything. To circumvent all of this, sign up for long-term health care insurance now. Invest invest invest. Do something because you don't want to have to figure this shit out later on when you're decrepit and dispirited.

The fucking bunny has eaten his last peony. While watering this morning, I noticed that the two peonys I had transplanted are now completely gone. Gone in a way that the fucking bunny soon will be. A sling shot will be found along with a nice rock and away I'll go. That little fluffy fucker ate my white peony. It was the only white one I had. The white ones smell the best. Now he will have to pay with his life.

I have the always-present shit-load of stuff to do this weekend. House cleaning, bathroom repairing, garden weeding, lawn mowing, garb finding and repairing, trunk packing, car cleaning, window washing, mouse-hole covering, foam insulation spraying, food buying, and a nap somewhere in there. Fun will be had in attending a fringe show or two. I'd love it to be two but I'll have to review the budget. I also hope to find a good mood. I could use one and I'm sure the people around me agree. Oo! Oo! I want to see a movie too.

I can already feel my temper shortening so I had better go practice some deep breathing techniques before facing the public. Happy weekend!