I took a Shakespeare class in college where the required text book was a hardcover copy (I'm not sure if it comes any other way) of The Riverside Shakespeare which is the complete works of Shakespeare including a four to six page essay before each play/work, written in what looks like 2-point Times New Roman font (I may be exaggerating here). To make this more impressive, the pages are 8x11 and contains two columns per page on 1927 pages. Are you impressed yet? It was the most expensive text book I had bought at the time (1991) and was also one of the most expensive text books out of every text book at UMD's bookstore. I know this because I looked around at the rest of the books after glancing at the $50 price tag to see if anything compared. Either it didn't or I have conveniently blocked it from my memory in order to make people feel sorry for me.
I was looking forward to this class when I signed up for it but that faded after the first day when I realized I would have to lug around that 5 lb. book every day and it wasn't necessarily the weight, it was the size - aka bulky. I further wasn't looking forward to the class after listening to the professor ask for class opinions on various passages and then proceed to tell them they were wrong. Granted, he was pretty damn old and just may have known Shakespeare personally, but hearing him say that Shakespeare "definitely didn't intend that" made me want to come up with the worst possible answer and yell it out...in my head. I never spoke up.
Just when I was hoping that the entire class was with me and against him, a fellow female student spoke up about the last speech that Katherina delivers in "The Taming of the Shrew" (5.2.136-179). She felt is was incredibly chauvinistic, was highly insulted by it, and oh my gosh, aren't we all glad we don't live in those times anymore.
This woman was (and probably still is) a complete moron. To not be able to read it over and over again while imagining life's hardships of the times and see that it's really a plea for couples to have a little respect for each other uniquely qualifies her for being a complete moron. How could she have not gotten how Katherina was illustrating that, out of the two, men are better suited for protecting, fighting, "to watch the night in storms, the day in cold", they're built for it; and out of the two, women are better suited for the whole being soft and looking pretty thing, again, being built for it, and if two people are going to be in a relationship, why should they not try to do the best of that which they are most qualified for?
The moron had a real problem with the phrase "true obedience". How is it she couldn't stop dwelling on two words and instead imagine what Katherina may have been saying but just not in words....that it's the whole point of doing as much as you can for the other, not giving yourself up or over to someone who clearly doesn't have your best interests at heart?
I started to understand how the professor turned into who he turned into. After only half of a trimester, I was incredibly agitated with one student to the point of considering her to be a moron until the end of time. Imagine if I had to do this three times per year (they had trimesters back then instead of semesters) and maybe more in the summer for countless years? Yeah, teachers should be paid a lot for putting up with us.
I am now committed...wait, let's not use that word, let's say I intend to read every piece of work in that book this year. I started with Twelfth Night on Sunday and was dismayed to see that it had nothing to do with the holiday season, but there was a clown in it so that kind of made things a bit better. I'm going to move on to The Merry Wives of Windsor next to keep in the whole "confusion by letter" theme.
"God give you good night!"
Monday, January 3, 2011
Sunday, January 2, 2011
We made it.
I'm so glad we all made it through yesterday, which was, of course, Jan. 1st, 2011.
I'm sure all of you had heard or read several times throughout the day about how the date was 1-1-11 and if that didn't creep you out enough, people would go on to point out how 2011 is the sum of all prime numbers, etc.
They're are all valid points but.....DID YOU REALIZE that 1+1+1+1 = 4 and if you add the 2 in there, which you really should since it's 2011, not 11, the sum is 6 which is the first digit in 666 (it's also the second and third). Further, the product of 6x3 is 18 and 1+8 is 9, and if you turn a 9 upside down, YOU GET 6!!!!!!
If I would have realized this yesterday, I would have been convinced that we were all going to die and then would have been a bit upset about paying $138 to get my car out of impound the night before, but it's not like I could have used the money anyways.
So now that we're moving past the official holidays as they are marked by the days you may be granted off of work, we reach that period of time where you have to decide if the holidays are truly over and if they are, you then have to take the decorations down. In my youth, the tree would come down a few days after New Years. My mother has so many decorations that when all of these things were put away, we easily gained twenty square feet of living space back.
If you are a die-hard traditionalist, you may be choosing to wait until the 12th day of Christmas to take the decorations down. I'm labeling this as "die-hard" because trying to follow the Twelve Days of Christmas is a serious chore. You would first have to decide if you are an Eastern Christian or Western Christian. If I had to choose, I'd go with Western Christian since they get to eat, dance and party down instead of fast for a gazillion days because as you know, not eating in cold weather makes you really really cranky. Once the Eastern/Western problem is solved, you'd then have to grapple with the United States question; see, if you are going to commit to being an American, then you will have to forget all about 12 days and just throw the tree out and go shopping. I am committing to being a heathen and have chosen to leave my christmas lights up because they look really pretty in my living room and whenever it snows, I want to look at the falling snow through a window framed by little white lights.
I am off to read Twelfth Night.
I'm sure all of you had heard or read several times throughout the day about how the date was 1-1-11 and if that didn't creep you out enough, people would go on to point out how 2011 is the sum of all prime numbers, etc.
They're are all valid points but.....DID YOU REALIZE that 1+1+1+1 = 4 and if you add the 2 in there, which you really should since it's 2011, not 11, the sum is 6 which is the first digit in 666 (it's also the second and third). Further, the product of 6x3 is 18 and 1+8 is 9, and if you turn a 9 upside down, YOU GET 6!!!!!!
If I would have realized this yesterday, I would have been convinced that we were all going to die and then would have been a bit upset about paying $138 to get my car out of impound the night before, but it's not like I could have used the money anyways.
So now that we're moving past the official holidays as they are marked by the days you may be granted off of work, we reach that period of time where you have to decide if the holidays are truly over and if they are, you then have to take the decorations down. In my youth, the tree would come down a few days after New Years. My mother has so many decorations that when all of these things were put away, we easily gained twenty square feet of living space back.
If you are a die-hard traditionalist, you may be choosing to wait until the 12th day of Christmas to take the decorations down. I'm labeling this as "die-hard" because trying to follow the Twelve Days of Christmas is a serious chore. You would first have to decide if you are an Eastern Christian or Western Christian. If I had to choose, I'd go with Western Christian since they get to eat, dance and party down instead of fast for a gazillion days because as you know, not eating in cold weather makes you really really cranky. Once the Eastern/Western problem is solved, you'd then have to grapple with the United States question; see, if you are going to commit to being an American, then you will have to forget all about 12 days and just throw the tree out and go shopping. I am committing to being a heathen and have chosen to leave my christmas lights up because they look really pretty in my living room and whenever it snows, I want to look at the falling snow through a window framed by little white lights.
I am off to read Twelfth Night.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
So, where ya been for the last two years??
And another thing.....do you know how many signs there are in downtown Mpls?? I can't read them all!! Those little punk-ass valets may feel like they have gotten away with something but someday, after they get real jobs and with these real jobs acquire the need to suddenly alter their plans and drive to work where there are little to no free parking spots available and they'd gladly pay for a ramp or something if it wasn't for the fact that it's not payday yet and they can't withdraw any more money until tomorrow and they forgot to refill their empty checkbook after using the last check at the grocery store last night but they still try to be good citizens by searching out an appropriate, legal parking spot and when they think they find one, they park there not aware of the fact that they are only 29.5' from the traffic control device instead of the legal 30' and find that SOMEONE HAS TOWED THEIR CAR....then will they know my pain. That statement would carry more weight if that were the scenario in which I found my vehicle towed last night. Instead, I failed to read the sandwich board on the sidewalk next to the meter I parked at that said it was a valet-zone after 6pm.
Through the kindness of others, I have come to greatly appreciate the courtesy of a ride to the impound lot. I will, therefore, return this favor in the future whenever I am called upon. Oh sure, one could take a bus over there but nowadays, the probability of one having the correct amount of change (in coinage no less) to take the bus even one block is highly unlikely. I think it costs $10 to go 3 blocks. Walking may be an option depending on the time of day because crossing underneath that bridge on Glenwood Ave. always makes me feel like I need to look out for Gene Hackman driving his '71 LeMans through trying to chase down some drug dealers above on 94. If you can catch a ride with someone to the impound lot, that is always the prefered method.
I do have to commend the down right jolliness, dare I say mirth, of the impound staff on New Years Eve. The van driver was quite jovial on both trips; see, I had left my purse in the trunk as to not tempt any wanna-be car thieves on Nicollet Mall so I had to be chauffeured out to my car to fetch my payment method, brought back and then returned again. In case you're worried about the Impound staff being terribly bored on NYE, don't worry, they weren't. There were four people in front of me at 8:00pm. One man was on his third trip of the month due to the snow emergency demons foiling him once again. He proclaimed with gusto, after shoving a snow emergency flyer into the cuff of his snow cap, that they weren't going to get him again and Happy New Year.
The second group of young gentlemen held a brief conference to determine who had the funds to pay and what the collection process would be once they were freed.
The third person was a woman who had appeard to be enjoying the holiday festivities already and I'm still uncertain as to why they decided to release her car to her (unless it was going to be entrapment..ENTRAPMENT) but any entrapment plans were ruined after her car wouldn't start and she had to call her sister to come in, pass through the security system, and drive out to the lot to give her a jump. I must say, the sister looked less than amused about the entire situation.
When my number was up, I approached the staffer again and began to nonchalantly remove my checkbook from my purse as if this was an everyday occurrance, which for 2010 it almost was an everyday occurrance, when I was suddenly stricken with the horrific realization that I had used my last check at the grocery store the other day and had neglected to replenish. My credit cards consisted of a Discover, which had plenty of remaining balance to cover it and which the Impound lot DOES NOT accept, and a Visa for which I was certain had only maybe $50 left on the balance if I was lucky. I handed the card to her with much trepidation muttering something about oh how I hoped there was enough balance left and we both held our breath as the Zon machine did it's thing and finally spit out a receipt. The staffer looked as happy as I felt. She probably wasn't looking forward to a NYE freak-out from a middle-aged woman embarrased about the fact that she's there to begin with but is not about to admit it out loud but no worries....that wasn't in the cards.
I was in and out in about 20 minutes and proceeded to take 45 minutes to figure out how to get back on to 394.
Ahhhh, fun times.
Through the kindness of others, I have come to greatly appreciate the courtesy of a ride to the impound lot. I will, therefore, return this favor in the future whenever I am called upon. Oh sure, one could take a bus over there but nowadays, the probability of one having the correct amount of change (in coinage no less) to take the bus even one block is highly unlikely. I think it costs $10 to go 3 blocks. Walking may be an option depending on the time of day because crossing underneath that bridge on Glenwood Ave. always makes me feel like I need to look out for Gene Hackman driving his '71 LeMans through trying to chase down some drug dealers above on 94. If you can catch a ride with someone to the impound lot, that is always the prefered method.
I do have to commend the down right jolliness, dare I say mirth, of the impound staff on New Years Eve. The van driver was quite jovial on both trips; see, I had left my purse in the trunk as to not tempt any wanna-be car thieves on Nicollet Mall so I had to be chauffeured out to my car to fetch my payment method, brought back and then returned again. In case you're worried about the Impound staff being terribly bored on NYE, don't worry, they weren't. There were four people in front of me at 8:00pm. One man was on his third trip of the month due to the snow emergency demons foiling him once again. He proclaimed with gusto, after shoving a snow emergency flyer into the cuff of his snow cap, that they weren't going to get him again and Happy New Year.
The second group of young gentlemen held a brief conference to determine who had the funds to pay and what the collection process would be once they were freed.
The third person was a woman who had appeard to be enjoying the holiday festivities already and I'm still uncertain as to why they decided to release her car to her (unless it was going to be entrapment..ENTRAPMENT) but any entrapment plans were ruined after her car wouldn't start and she had to call her sister to come in, pass through the security system, and drive out to the lot to give her a jump. I must say, the sister looked less than amused about the entire situation.
When my number was up, I approached the staffer again and began to nonchalantly remove my checkbook from my purse as if this was an everyday occurrance, which for 2010 it almost was an everyday occurrance, when I was suddenly stricken with the horrific realization that I had used my last check at the grocery store the other day and had neglected to replenish. My credit cards consisted of a Discover, which had plenty of remaining balance to cover it and which the Impound lot DOES NOT accept, and a Visa for which I was certain had only maybe $50 left on the balance if I was lucky. I handed the card to her with much trepidation muttering something about oh how I hoped there was enough balance left and we both held our breath as the Zon machine did it's thing and finally spit out a receipt. The staffer looked as happy as I felt. She probably wasn't looking forward to a NYE freak-out from a middle-aged woman embarrased about the fact that she's there to begin with but is not about to admit it out loud but no worries....that wasn't in the cards.
I was in and out in about 20 minutes and proceeded to take 45 minutes to figure out how to get back on to 394.
Ahhhh, fun times.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)