Live! TPT! Right now! Unless you read this Monday morning

Hi everyone! I'm at the TPT studios again and it's Saturday night and I'm at theTPT studios again on a Saturday night because...please don't make me think about why that is, I'll get depressed. Anyhoo, I'd like to proceed through the next three hours by providing you with a synopsis of the evening.

6:00pm: Pizza arrives. I was hoping for Oriental, Vietnamese in particular.

6:15pm: Anyone parked outside is asked to go move their cars into the ramp that had a sign saying to pay upon entry but you're supposed to know to just drive around it and go in anyways. This is something I didn't do so my car was outside. I sprinted up two and a half blocks UP HILL in the POURING RAIN and moved my car. It then stopped raining.

7:00pm Penn and I attempt to sit next to each other but our headphones don't work when we're next to each other. Now I realize that this may sound strange but I have a studio full of witnesses to verify that when we called each other we couldn't hear anything. Thank goodness we were sitting next to each other so the conversation went on for much longer than some people would have liked. I was going to call Penn's extension of 1752 but it was apparently too close to my extension of 1755 which is what I entered and then proceeded to inform him that I was getting a busy signal. I then realized my faux pas stating "Oh, I'm calling myself!" which got me a round of applause from the other losers here with me. I mean that in a loving way because we're all laughing quite hard. Some of the exchanges included:
"I can't hear you"
"You can't?"
"No"
"Can I hear you now?" (Yes, I actually asked him if I could hear him)
"No, it's not working. I'm not hearing anything. I'm going to have to use my hand"

7:15pm: Penn switched chairs but the new chair was too low so instead of grabbing the cushions off of the previous chair, he switched the actual chairs and caused chaos because we don't have a lot of room to make furniture arrangements.

7:41pm: Penn wants a raise.

7:46pm The producer reviews the "funnel cloud" signal with us and tells us that the "safe zone" is in the hall so when we get the funnel cloud finger movement we are to run into the hallway. Also, the talent/phone bank wrangler, Mike, sits between Penn and I trying to fix our headsets and quickly regrets his decision. He's had to deal with a popcorn machine catching fire, a tornado warning, phones not working, and now us. He wants to go home.

7:49pm: The fucking puppet gets the camera time.

7:52pm: We start clapping at nothing in particular and make all the production and talent people come flying back into the studio thinking they slipped into a time warp and were now due on the air. We pat ourselves on the back for a job well done.

7:54 pm: No phone ringing yet from an actual pledge person.

7:56pm: I suddenly want to yell out "A PLEDGE PIN??!! ON YOUR UNIFORM!!"

7:57pm: The talent makes a comment about the women at festival wanting to know what's under the kilts. Penn then gets a call from someone saying they're highly offended by that comment. Penn wants to know "Why baby? Don't you like dick?" Don't worry, he didn't say it to the caller because she hung up before anything really great could be said to her.

8:02pm: Got my first call and sold tickets then Tom Keenan came over to sit in between Penn and I. I feel sorry for him but he does have a good sense of humor so he'll hopefully be okay. Earlier in the evening, Tom was trying to get in and needed someone to hit the security button to open the door and Penn shut the shade on him. This is making for awkward conversation.

8:13pm: New joke: What did the 0 say to the 8? Nice belt.

8:24pm: Another ticket sale. See, we're offering two tickets at the $240 level. Facinating, isn't it? I'm really wishing that I would have gotten my crap together and brought in some wine glasses to promote the wine show. If they can have a fucking puppet, I should be able to have wine. It's only fair.

8:32pm: I just warned Tom Keenan that he shouldn't be fooling around by moving the troll to the top of the wall behind us. It's so unprofessional to be fooling around here.

8:40pm: Stevie Ray Vaughn will be on Tuesday, June 10th and I'm saying this because he can play a tune or two.

8:47pm: I just sold the $600 level including tickets, a CD and DVD. I think someone is getting ripped off.

9:03pm: COOKIES!!!!!

9:16pm: Seat change. Tom is now out. Corey Loebs is now in. Fine. Whatever. Corey is fun too. He sat down and immediately started talking about Underdog. This is much more fun. Plus, Steve Miller is now on.

9:26pm: Got a call from someone who wanted to say that the drummer and bass player in the Steve Miller Band are from Minnesota and while I was doing that, I looked up and noticed I was on TV so I stuck my tongue out (it was really a reflex). I've also noticed that my chest is sparkly. The powder didn't start out to be sparkly but it turned after I was out in the rain. Now my cleavage is twinkling at you. Jennifer, sitting next to me, said that she rubbed her nose earlier when the camera was on her and she wanted to clarify that she WAS NOT picking her nose, only rubbing it.

9:33pm: Wishing we could have Guinness in the studio.

9:44pm: Snuck water into the studio and now have it between my legs. They feed us but they don't let us drink anything. It's a kind of mind control. Creepy.

10:12pm: Almost quittin' time and so I will now end after having lost four games of solitare.