Plowing Forward

Here I sit again, ready to embark on the week which will be filled with more roller coasters. Last Thursday and Friday, I hadn't heard from the nursing home or my mother and I thought that maybe the nursing home contacted her instead and that she was making decisions. It felt like I had been given a couple of days off. That wasn't the case. The nursing home just never returned my call and mom hadn't made any decisions. She still claims to not "know what to do with him" so it remains in a stalemate.

The morning my mom was moved out of ICU, the house doctor came in to check in as is required by the title "house doctor" and launched into a monologue about how you can't make people do things. He wanted a little history on my mom's environment to help him understand why she was there now. It was written in her chart that she was the caregiver to my dad so he asked her more about it. I said he was now in a nursing home and that we were going to try and have him stay there. That's when he started his one-man show on how ultimately, you can't make someone do something they don't want to do. I wanted to jump over the bed and tackle him, smashing his skull into the floor screaming "How can you not realise that he has to stay there??!!!" but I don't want to go to jail so I refrained.

After the anger subsided and several weeks passed, I now am begrudgingly willing to admit that he's right. I hate that he's right. It means that no matter how much I glare, how small I squint my eyes, I much I want to yell, there's no way to make my mom make a decision much less the decision I want her to make, and there's no way to make the monster realize he's in the best place for him. There comes a time when you just have to step back and watch everyone act in ways that you don't agree with and possibly watch them go down in flames.

On another note, my yearly therapy sessions are coming up very fast...that being the Renaissance. The very same event that Five Man Job parodied and holy shit! did they do a good job. If I ever see Lauren in the crowd, I'm going to try and sneak up and tie a kid to her. I call this my therapy because it's proven to be a way for me to work through stuff and entertain people at the same time. It's confusing but just trust me, it works. Although, I can feel that I have very little patience lately and I feel like really letting loose on people who create tense situations so they can later cry over them and hurt many other people's feelings in the process. Oh, would I love to really give them something to cry about. See! Right there, that's what I'm talking about. I'm going to have to get real-life, serious therapy before fest because I don't want to get kicked out.

Well dammit, I just got a call from a former supervisor in another department. He's going through a lot of crap right now too. We're both in the same boat as far as work goes because we're involved with the new financial system that doesn't work. He also has his partner in the hospital with Lymphoma so we swapped medical stories for awhile. Funny though, he ended the conversation by saying that I'll have to be extra entertaining at fest so he can live vicariously through me. Yikes. Now the pressure's on. Before, I would just assume that the strangers coming in may need a lift so I would try to do something funny and/or entertaining but now I really know someone's coming who needs it. I better figure out how to be entertaining quickly. I only have 19 days.