So, What Have You Been Up To?

The 2008 season is now over. I can so easily remember the week before it began; I was stressed because I hadn't had a chance to prepare the way I wanted to prepare, everywhere there was chaos in my life. As I lay in bed that Friday night, I though "Whatever happens, happens." I admitted defeat and tried to calm myself by thinking that, well, it's not brain surgery, no one's life will be lost. I'll just go in and do whatever presents itself and roll with the punches.

That's not easy to do out there because it's a land of extremes..at least for me it is. When it's good, it's phenomenal; when it's bad, it really sucks but that just helps to make the good times more phenomenal, more personal and more meaningful. There's no mundane middle of the road. That makes me extra sensitive which is something I can't be in my every day world. At least not if I want to excel at what I'm currently doing.

On my back I have a tattoo of a white stallion and a black stallion. They are hijacked from Plato's "Phaedrus" and are meant to represent the two extremes of humanity. They exist in everyone but are controlled differently by each of us. I've always felt that balance is important. That doesn't mean you need to find the middle of the two extremes and stay there. That would be mundane and boring, lacking in spark. Instead it means to counter the naughtiness of lymrics with asking a child if they had a good day and getting that beautiful smile as an answer. Balance also means having the hurt feeling of someone ditching you replaced with gratitude, love and humbleness when they come back and give you a "good job, bloke!" pat on the back.

Eight weeks later I can report that the punches were not bad at all. It was as great as my rookie year minus the constant yearning for approval. When you're a rookie, you need approval. People that had been good aquaintences have now become good friends.

Those good friends helped open my eyes to new possibilities in performance, new appreciation and love for patrons (especially those that plunk down the extra money for the wine show), new inspiration for the future (god knows what could happen tomorrow) and a new realization that everyone wants to be liked and everyone thinks there's a very good possibility they're not liked. We're all just really a bunch of teenagers waiting to be asked to the prom.

Per the usual, Sunday night's closing gate activities were poignant and real. As I was standing in a crowd of good friends, I could hear Gordy's pan hitting his head every so often "Bang! Bang! Bang!" As the King confirmed for us why we are all there, (paraphrasing) because of honor...committment (Bang! Bang! Bang!)... passion for what we do... some other words I can't remember but my subconsious can so that whenever I think back to that moment, tears well up. Kind of like they are right now.

Next weekend I'll get to sleep in and I'll wake up crying because I get to sleep in. Then I'll get out of bed and start preparing for August 2009.

I'd list out the names of everyone I want to thank for various reasons but reading a huge chunk of names in boring. Just know, and don't think for a second that I mean everyone but you, that you mean the world to me and that I would be a complete mess without you.

Thank you.