Here I am with 9 minutes to go before official start-time to my work day but I have a lot to type out about this weekend so I guess I'm going to be late. Yes, I know where my priorities are.
If you weren't able to attend the 2nd annual Twin Cities Improv Festival this weekend, don't worry - you have about 350 days until the next one. While I missed the first night, I made up for it over the next three nights by catching three shows on Friday, one workshop and one show on Saturday, then wrapping it up with the last show on Sunday.
I signed up for the Beginning Improv workshop with Charna Halpern and went through the usual schitzo thoughts beforehand only this time I wrote them down for your reading pleasure.
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Saturday, June 28th - before workshop:
I spent the morning going back and forth again. I then decided to shift into auto pilot and just go. I am now a robot: up...shower...makeup...cat food & water level check (good)...leave windows open which will facilitate the flooding of water into may abode later on when it rains...get into car...push button..reverse, now forward...park...order...write...eat. See? Easy when you do it his way.
Pretty soon the time will just fly and before I know it, it'll be over and I can go home. I left early thinking that with Pride and all, I'd have difficulty parking but this has also allowed me to get a breakfast that someone else prepares for me and also gives me time to second-guess myself.
I can still decide to turn and run the other way. Then I picture Jill Bernard getting mad at me and I get scared. I also picture Butch doing his purse-lips/turn-head/show-disappointment-in-eyes that makes me feel like a real idiot and I hate that feeling so I think I've successfully guilted myself into going. That and reminding myself of the times I've wussed out in the past: there was the time John Haynes taught the mini-course (5 sessions) at the U of M which I paid for but then never went; the time Jenzie and Brian Kisch were auditioning for classes and which I again had contacted John Haynes about trying out for also but...guess what...never went, and then the half-assed attempt at completing the Sketch Writing class but that was more than half-assed, it was more like three-quarters assed because I missed only two classes out of eight because I started to get scared of reading my stuff out loud. There is the very real factor of lack of funds to take a lot of these classes but I know my spending habits - if I really wanted to do it, I'd be okay with being poorer.
The guilt is creeping back up again. These festival people have worked hard to get Charna here and what if I took the spot of someone else who really wanted to get in and is going to be the next John Belushi and by ducking out, I'm ruining several people's days and possibly lives? That's a pretty good guilt trip.
So now it's 11am and I'm stuffed to the gills with food. I hope that doesn't turn out to be a big mistake. I wanna go home. I have to mow my lawn. I have to work on my bodice. I've been too taxed lately. I need to rest. Okay, now I'm seriously nervous. I can feel that familiar butterfly effect in my stomach, I hope the hash browns stay down. I want to go home and read Zora Hurston. Other people are walking by and looking all relaxed in sweats carrying coffee like a usual Saturday morning and I'm obsessing in my car listening to Freddie Mercury and David Bowie sing about pressure...are they mocking me?
11:20am...ugh, I want to throw up, it'll make my stomach feel better but I'll have bad breath. The butterflies are moving up my esophagus to my throat. If you let me go home now, I'll promise to practice belly dancing all day, I'll finish my cudgel and I'll call my mom, I promise, really. I'll rollerblade everywhere, anything to get out of getting out of the car in 10 more minutes.
See, this is why I can't take a 10-week session, I can't go through this every week, I'll get an ulcer. I need to do my nail, I need to wash my windows. I just need to look at it like tattooing, just think about how happy I'll be when it's over and I'll get some ice cream. Here I go.
Saturday, June 28th - after:
I don't feel like ice cream but I'm still glad it's over. I got a lot of great information out of it and a reminder that I have extreme stage fright. It's the actual, physical stage that I'm scared of. Being up higher than everyone, in the middle, with the light on me...terrifying. The Ren Faire is totally different. It's much easier to be in among the crowd. I know people say that the whole place is a stage and in a sense it is, but I have confidence with a group of people around me. I don't want to be above them, I want to be in with them. I'm also in garb which makes me into a different person. When patrons see me, they don't really have a specific expectation, they expect the unexpected. When wearing my usual clothes and being me, people expect certain things which I have had some trouble reconciling for many years now.
I know that I didn't perform well but I knew that going in. My goal in taking the workshop was to get a better understanding of the mechanics, how things the individuals do can all be woven together. Charna was good with a lot of things like talking fast but especially honing in on the source of the problems. I had a scene where me and my partner were supposed to be landing on a new planet but only one person could be the first one out and we were to decide who that would be. There was the point where my partner was going to let me be the first one out but I wasn't going out the door. For some reason I thought that it wasn't the right thing to do because then everything would end. Charna stopped me and said "you're afraid to move forward". Now I found this to be profound because she could have said the more obvious "you're afraid to go out of the door" but she broadened it to "moving forward". I realized that yes, I do that all the fucking time. Moving forward can sometimes really suck. It's not that I want order or control so much, I just want something I can count on for a few months. No more bad surprises, sudden changes, leaves of absence, strategic positioning...just set some goals and/or point in the future and let me enjoy each moment as it is instead of worrying about when the other shoe is going to drop.
I now have some points in the future, specifically The Onion Writers show I'm seeing next and then the party at CC's where I will imbibe in a refreshment or two...as long as I don't have to go on stage to get it.
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While there were many parts to enjoy and a few to freak out over, the most enjoyable was a moment on Saturday early evening, around 5:30pm. I came back from eating after the workshop and just chilled in the BNW lobby with some popcorn, sitting on the cushy bench watching people mill around. It had stopped raining and the sun was shining through the front windows. There weren't a lot of people around which was kind of nice because things were sedate, like the calm before the next storm. As I looked around I thought about how fucking amazing it was that someone would conceive the idea for a whole extended weekend of stuff at a cool location, invite some really talented people who responded and showed up, a great audience also showed up, and it all came together. Of course, the way I just said it makes it sound easy which I know it wasn't. At times, seeing the BNW/TCIF crew at work was like watching an ant farm. Everyone knew what to do and where they were supposed to be, went there and directed all of us other ants as to where to go, where to line up, and oh, here's your drink.
Only some 350 days or so to go until the next ant farm.
Monday, June 30, 2008
Thursday, June 26, 2008
T.G.I.F.
I have to come up with a new sleeping plan. It's no longer enough to just close my eyes and remain still. I love having my windows open but it doesn't do any good if there isn't any breeze or if your neighbors come home at 1:30am and bring a herd of elephants with them.
I had troubles sleeping again last night and it may be part due to the coffee I consumed at 5:00pm. On the good side, it was the best iced mocha ever made in the universe; on the bad side, I believe it played a part in keeping me awake. I drank it in the first place because I yawned four times within fifteen minutes before my fight practice. Since I prefer to be alert during those types of activities, I purchased the caffeine. I can now feel myself within the grips of an addictive spiral which requires me to have coffee to stay awake but I don't get to control how long that is so I don't sleep when I want to and get tired when I don't want to after which I need coffee to wake me back up again and...see the quandary? If that's the only thing I have to complain about then I'm doing pretty good.
I could complain about more but then I would just have to remind myself to not get caught up in other people's stress that they've created for themselves that really doesn't have anything to do with me. The thing about jobs is to keep in mind that if something doesn't get done, it's not the end of the world. I forget that sometimes and then various work-related items creep into my mind at night also preventing me from sleeping.
What's great about today is that it's my Friday. Woo hoo. I have to take my personal day before June 30th or it's taken away from me so...if I have to, I have to...or the world will end.
I had troubles sleeping again last night and it may be part due to the coffee I consumed at 5:00pm. On the good side, it was the best iced mocha ever made in the universe; on the bad side, I believe it played a part in keeping me awake. I drank it in the first place because I yawned four times within fifteen minutes before my fight practice. Since I prefer to be alert during those types of activities, I purchased the caffeine. I can now feel myself within the grips of an addictive spiral which requires me to have coffee to stay awake but I don't get to control how long that is so I don't sleep when I want to and get tired when I don't want to after which I need coffee to wake me back up again and...see the quandary? If that's the only thing I have to complain about then I'm doing pretty good.
I could complain about more but then I would just have to remind myself to not get caught up in other people's stress that they've created for themselves that really doesn't have anything to do with me. The thing about jobs is to keep in mind that if something doesn't get done, it's not the end of the world. I forget that sometimes and then various work-related items creep into my mind at night also preventing me from sleeping.
What's great about today is that it's my Friday. Woo hoo. I have to take my personal day before June 30th or it's taken away from me so...if I have to, I have to...or the world will end.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Live in the moment
I am now nice and cranky because the coffee hasn't kicked in yet which was needed because of lack of sleep due to the temperature and lack of air movement last night. It's a shame too because before that, I was in a really good mood. I watched Richard Pryor's Live on the Sunset Strip which doesn't portray Pryor has this outstanding, charismatic, high-energy performer but he's a very good storyteller none the less. His stage presence is more like what it would be if he were standing in your living room. He's also proof that some of the best humour comes from pain.
So I was downright excited about getting home yesterday after an afternoon of pouring through documents of which many had to be brought back to the originator to get information they already knew they needed to give but since they value acting as immature as possible, I get to play this game with them every now and then.
That spoiled the good mood created from the morning meeting I had with a couple of faculty and staff members from the department I service (hee hee). I absolutely LOVE being around people who deeply love what they do and have a passion to see that it's done well. One professor has been here since the early '70's and because of his elder-statesmen status, one may think that he has antiquated notions about how to best educate people. This is not the case. He was excitedly talking about how the department should utilize online technologies much more than they currently are. At first I kind of baulked at this because I've always thought that it's better to learn hands-on rather than on a model created with no unknowns in it. There's an element of unaccounted for situations or maybe even chaos, that I don't think can be built into a computer program. Then again, I'm not a computer programmer so I could be way off about that. I was then reminded of my physics labs. The Physics 101 experiments we were doing with wind shear and friction never worked the way they were supposed to because of faulty equipment so we would end up drawing how it was supposed to work out on the board. May as well replace the board with a 3-D computer model which is much easier to understand. The meeting was a much needed shot of optimism after two years of hearing nothing but negativity about the future.
Before that I used to be excited about coming to work because it was nice to get back to a regular day-shift schedule after years of working the night shift which lead to my love of the song "Night Shift" and a tendency to break into a Temptations dance sequence although the song was by the Commodores. But what did I really know about music, before that I was one of the only headbangers at UMD where my roommate and I covered every inch of our dorm room with pictures of long-haired guys, some that were prettier than us.
Those pictures were quite a switch from my childhood bedroom where I had one poster of Madonna when she did Desperately Seeking Susan and one poster of Van Halen, the black and white one where David Lee Roth looks really hot and not crazy like he would eventually turn out but what kid can ever picture that happening to their idols? At that point, I was just happy to have my own bedroom after my brother was moved upstairs and one might think that I would be jealous of the fact that he got the whole upstairs while I got a small, 8x8 room but I really liked that room because it had two windows and there was a small section right next to one of the window sills where you could see all the different layers of paint that had covered the walls. The first color I could see was yellow, then coral, then pink, then blue.
I hate yellow now but I probably didn't really notice it when I was in the crib in that room since I had other mobiles to look at which was better than looking at the inside of a womb, but I really don't remember that.
So I was downright excited about getting home yesterday after an afternoon of pouring through documents of which many had to be brought back to the originator to get information they already knew they needed to give but since they value acting as immature as possible, I get to play this game with them every now and then.
That spoiled the good mood created from the morning meeting I had with a couple of faculty and staff members from the department I service (hee hee). I absolutely LOVE being around people who deeply love what they do and have a passion to see that it's done well. One professor has been here since the early '70's and because of his elder-statesmen status, one may think that he has antiquated notions about how to best educate people. This is not the case. He was excitedly talking about how the department should utilize online technologies much more than they currently are. At first I kind of baulked at this because I've always thought that it's better to learn hands-on rather than on a model created with no unknowns in it. There's an element of unaccounted for situations or maybe even chaos, that I don't think can be built into a computer program. Then again, I'm not a computer programmer so I could be way off about that. I was then reminded of my physics labs. The Physics 101 experiments we were doing with wind shear and friction never worked the way they were supposed to because of faulty equipment so we would end up drawing how it was supposed to work out on the board. May as well replace the board with a 3-D computer model which is much easier to understand. The meeting was a much needed shot of optimism after two years of hearing nothing but negativity about the future.
Before that I used to be excited about coming to work because it was nice to get back to a regular day-shift schedule after years of working the night shift which lead to my love of the song "Night Shift" and a tendency to break into a Temptations dance sequence although the song was by the Commodores. But what did I really know about music, before that I was one of the only headbangers at UMD where my roommate and I covered every inch of our dorm room with pictures of long-haired guys, some that were prettier than us.
Those pictures were quite a switch from my childhood bedroom where I had one poster of Madonna when she did Desperately Seeking Susan and one poster of Van Halen, the black and white one where David Lee Roth looks really hot and not crazy like he would eventually turn out but what kid can ever picture that happening to their idols? At that point, I was just happy to have my own bedroom after my brother was moved upstairs and one might think that I would be jealous of the fact that he got the whole upstairs while I got a small, 8x8 room but I really liked that room because it had two windows and there was a small section right next to one of the window sills where you could see all the different layers of paint that had covered the walls. The first color I could see was yellow, then coral, then pink, then blue.
I hate yellow now but I probably didn't really notice it when I was in the crib in that room since I had other mobiles to look at which was better than looking at the inside of a womb, but I really don't remember that.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Anything to get away from not doing what I have to
I think there may actually be some real heat coming our way. I've got to get to Target and buy that kiddie pool.
Does anyone know if you absolutely have to dig up gladiolus bulbs in the fall or can they stay in the ground permanently? The package said I should dig them up but there's 30 of them, I'm lazy, I don't want to...can I get out of it?
Does anyone know of a good house painter? I want to hire someone to restain my house in the fall because I want it done well therefore I'm taking myself off of the list of painters.
Does anyone know where I can get some more cash to pay for a house painter in the fall?
I wonder what would happen to the economy if Caribou were to offer free drinks all day. Productivity would increase but resources would be diminished at the same time...it's a crap shoot.
Is it really expensive to get lasers installed around your windows? I want to keep my windows open all the time during the summer but I don't want uninvited people inside my abode. I figured laser beams would discourage them from entry.
Avoidance is an art form and I have mastered it.
Does anyone know if you absolutely have to dig up gladiolus bulbs in the fall or can they stay in the ground permanently? The package said I should dig them up but there's 30 of them, I'm lazy, I don't want to...can I get out of it?
Does anyone know of a good house painter? I want to hire someone to restain my house in the fall because I want it done well therefore I'm taking myself off of the list of painters.
Does anyone know where I can get some more cash to pay for a house painter in the fall?
I wonder what would happen to the economy if Caribou were to offer free drinks all day. Productivity would increase but resources would be diminished at the same time...it's a crap shoot.
Is it really expensive to get lasers installed around your windows? I want to keep my windows open all the time during the summer but I don't want uninvited people inside my abode. I figured laser beams would discourage them from entry.
Avoidance is an art form and I have mastered it.
Monday, June 23, 2008
Fire! Fire! Fire!
I am officially sick of people, when they find out that I perform at the Renaissance, ask if I a) know a psychic and b) want to be in a threesome. What the hell is wrong with you people?
I lit the inaugural fire last night and broke my fire pit in. It works wonderfully. I will always marvel at how cool it is to have a campfire-type fire in the middle of the city. I said campfire-type to distinguish it from the common housefire-type found so often in the city.
I missed IAGG last night which I was going back and forth on for awhile because of the previously-mentioned fire but also because I was forced to put in a tape yesterday because there is absolutely NOTHING on TV on Sunday's anymore. The tape of choice was my collection of Cirque du Soleil shows. That always sparks my imagination and last night was no exception. I kind of got "in the zone" and didn't want to stop to go somewhere else. Besides, I'm going to be at the Brave New Workshop all weekend next weekend for the much anticipated Twin Cities Improv Festival and I didn't want to wear out my welcome. I think some people there are already sick of seeing me...sorry, it's only going to get worse. I would like all meals and phone calls forwarded to the Brave New Workshop...thank you.
In just a short while, I will be off to a different office location in an attempt to help cover for a Dept. Admin that's out of commission. This woman had so much information in her brain that it is taking at least four people to cover for her. This is exactly why I believe in not only learning, but especially teaching as much as you know to others. Don't hog all the information, it'll only drive you crazy after which your FMLA leave will drive everyone else crazy. The main reason I'm dreading this is because of the current financial team model we've been operating under for the last two years. Technically, the financial team is considered to be part of the Dean's Office and therefore not belonging to any particular department. Instead, we work for, or service (a term I can't say without giggling) the departments. The problem with this model is that in order to give good service (hee hee) you have to know about the entire department because everything is interrelated. What this has led to is the development of a split personality. I'm not sure where or to whom I should be reporting to. If people like what I say, then they consider me to be part of them. If the don't like what I say, then I'm on the other team and therefore, against them. I'm now creating my own team. It's team "leave me the fuck alone so I can get this work done for you". I think it has a nice ring to it but it's going to be difficult to fit on a T-shirt.
I lit the inaugural fire last night and broke my fire pit in. It works wonderfully. I will always marvel at how cool it is to have a campfire-type fire in the middle of the city. I said campfire-type to distinguish it from the common housefire-type found so often in the city.
I missed IAGG last night which I was going back and forth on for awhile because of the previously-mentioned fire but also because I was forced to put in a tape yesterday because there is absolutely NOTHING on TV on Sunday's anymore. The tape of choice was my collection of Cirque du Soleil shows. That always sparks my imagination and last night was no exception. I kind of got "in the zone" and didn't want to stop to go somewhere else. Besides, I'm going to be at the Brave New Workshop all weekend next weekend for the much anticipated Twin Cities Improv Festival and I didn't want to wear out my welcome. I think some people there are already sick of seeing me...sorry, it's only going to get worse. I would like all meals and phone calls forwarded to the Brave New Workshop...thank you.
In just a short while, I will be off to a different office location in an attempt to help cover for a Dept. Admin that's out of commission. This woman had so much information in her brain that it is taking at least four people to cover for her. This is exactly why I believe in not only learning, but especially teaching as much as you know to others. Don't hog all the information, it'll only drive you crazy after which your FMLA leave will drive everyone else crazy. The main reason I'm dreading this is because of the current financial team model we've been operating under for the last two years. Technically, the financial team is considered to be part of the Dean's Office and therefore not belonging to any particular department. Instead, we work for, or service (a term I can't say without giggling) the departments. The problem with this model is that in order to give good service (hee hee) you have to know about the entire department because everything is interrelated. What this has led to is the development of a split personality. I'm not sure where or to whom I should be reporting to. If people like what I say, then they consider me to be part of them. If the don't like what I say, then I'm on the other team and therefore, against them. I'm now creating my own team. It's team "leave me the fuck alone so I can get this work done for you". I think it has a nice ring to it but it's going to be difficult to fit on a T-shirt.
Friday, June 20, 2008
Hey Bunny, Stop Your Pounding!
Did anyone see those clouds last night? They were red. It was from 9:30 - 10:00pm when there were some stratoculumus clouds (low, puffy, round, dark-grayish, I picked the right term didn't I?) rolling in and they had a red glow to them. I know this because I was outside monitoring for bat activity. The previous night I was out testing my new umbrella's solar lights when a bat went squeaking over my head. I wanted to make sure it didn't come out of my house so I did bat patrol last night looking for anything flying out of my roof around dusk. I'm happy to report that nothing was reported.
My cute little bunny rabbits living under my deck aren't so damn cute anymore. They're making flattened circular areas in my lawn which is causing the grass to die. This is the most ridiculous looking activity, but rabbits will pound the ground with their butts in a circular pattern to mark their territory. They do it in the winter on snow also. I suppose they feel that because they're so cute they can get away with anything. Not the case with me, I'm a cold-hearted bitch. I'm putting screening up along the deck to keep them out. They've got at least three more months of nice weather to find a new abode. Get the hell out of my yard and take your urine with you.
Eight days from now I'll be sitting in some room with someone who is reported to be pretty good at teaching this whole improv thing. I'm surprised to find myself jazzed about this at this point. I predict that by 11:30am next Saturday, I will be so fucking scared that I won't have any saliva in my mouth. It appears that the Charna Halpern Beginning Improv workshop at TCIF still has spots, so come on down and watch me freak out, then stay for some shows.
Well, I'm off like a prom dress. Have a good weekend.
My cute little bunny rabbits living under my deck aren't so damn cute anymore. They're making flattened circular areas in my lawn which is causing the grass to die. This is the most ridiculous looking activity, but rabbits will pound the ground with their butts in a circular pattern to mark their territory. They do it in the winter on snow also. I suppose they feel that because they're so cute they can get away with anything. Not the case with me, I'm a cold-hearted bitch. I'm putting screening up along the deck to keep them out. They've got at least three more months of nice weather to find a new abode. Get the hell out of my yard and take your urine with you.
Eight days from now I'll be sitting in some room with someone who is reported to be pretty good at teaching this whole improv thing. I'm surprised to find myself jazzed about this at this point. I predict that by 11:30am next Saturday, I will be so fucking scared that I won't have any saliva in my mouth. It appears that the Charna Halpern Beginning Improv workshop at TCIF still has spots, so come on down and watch me freak out, then stay for some shows.
Well, I'm off like a prom dress. Have a good weekend.
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Why Can't We Teleport???!!!
I want to be able to teleport. I mean I really really want to be able to teleport. It's not fair that we can't yet. Obama should add teleporting to his platform, I'd totally vote for him. When I have somewhere that I want to be, I want to get there NOW. The lines at Qdoba are taking 15 minutes to get through, I would have saved a lot of time if I could have teleported.
While in line at said eating establishment, CNN was kind enough to report the breaking news that, due to high gas prices, travel this July 4th will be down. Thank god they're on 24 hours a day because I don't think I could have made it through this next hour without knowing that gas prices are affecting things like travel. I'm waiting for them to report on the current population of the Great Northwestern Spotted Ferret Bat next. What? You don't know what the Great Northwestern Spotted Ferret Bat is? Well, go here and zip down to the middle of the page. I think I have one in my house.
Sorry folks, I guess it's a slow blogging day.
While in line at said eating establishment, CNN was kind enough to report the breaking news that, due to high gas prices, travel this July 4th will be down. Thank god they're on 24 hours a day because I don't think I could have made it through this next hour without knowing that gas prices are affecting things like travel. I'm waiting for them to report on the current population of the Great Northwestern Spotted Ferret Bat next. What? You don't know what the Great Northwestern Spotted Ferret Bat is? Well, go here and zip down to the middle of the page. I think I have one in my house.
Sorry folks, I guess it's a slow blogging day.
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