So, What Have You Been Up To?

The 2008 season is now over. I can so easily remember the week before it began; I was stressed because I hadn't had a chance to prepare the way I wanted to prepare, everywhere there was chaos in my life. As I lay in bed that Friday night, I though "Whatever happens, happens." I admitted defeat and tried to calm myself by thinking that, well, it's not brain surgery, no one's life will be lost. I'll just go in and do whatever presents itself and roll with the punches.

That's not easy to do out there because it's a land of extremes..at least for me it is. When it's good, it's phenomenal; when it's bad, it really sucks but that just helps to make the good times more phenomenal, more personal and more meaningful. There's no mundane middle of the road. That makes me extra sensitive which is something I can't be in my every day world. At least not if I want to excel at what I'm currently doing.

On my back I have a tattoo of a white stallion and a black stallion. They are hijacked from Plato's "Phaedrus" and are meant to represent the two extremes of humanity. They exist in everyone but are controlled differently by each of us. I've always felt that balance is important. That doesn't mean you need to find the middle of the two extremes and stay there. That would be mundane and boring, lacking in spark. Instead it means to counter the naughtiness of lymrics with asking a child if they had a good day and getting that beautiful smile as an answer. Balance also means having the hurt feeling of someone ditching you replaced with gratitude, love and humbleness when they come back and give you a "good job, bloke!" pat on the back.

Eight weeks later I can report that the punches were not bad at all. It was as great as my rookie year minus the constant yearning for approval. When you're a rookie, you need approval. People that had been good aquaintences have now become good friends.

Those good friends helped open my eyes to new possibilities in performance, new appreciation and love for patrons (especially those that plunk down the extra money for the wine show), new inspiration for the future (god knows what could happen tomorrow) and a new realization that everyone wants to be liked and everyone thinks there's a very good possibility they're not liked. We're all just really a bunch of teenagers waiting to be asked to the prom.

Per the usual, Sunday night's closing gate activities were poignant and real. As I was standing in a crowd of good friends, I could hear Gordy's pan hitting his head every so often "Bang! Bang! Bang!" As the King confirmed for us why we are all there, (paraphrasing) because of honor...committment (Bang! Bang! Bang!)... passion for what we do... some other words I can't remember but my subconsious can so that whenever I think back to that moment, tears well up. Kind of like they are right now.

Next weekend I'll get to sleep in and I'll wake up crying because I get to sleep in. Then I'll get out of bed and start preparing for August 2009.

I'd list out the names of everyone I want to thank for various reasons but reading a huge chunk of names in boring. Just know, and don't think for a second that I mean everyone but you, that you mean the world to me and that I would be a complete mess without you.

Thank you.

The Last Hurrah...I mean Huzzah

Ceeeeehrist I cannot get out of here fast enough. We're still swimming in a sea of confusion and ever increasing resentment. People that are not directly tied to the new financial system are now declaring that two and a half months of dysfunction is long enough and things should now be fixed. That would be lovely if things could turn out like that but problems stay problems until they're fixed. Problems can't tell time.

I found a nice deal at Coffman for lunch. There's a Boston Market-type place where you can get a big meal for $6. That makes it worth the walk from my office to Coffman which only takes five minutes during the summer but then takes 10 during the academic year. I'm a fast walker. This has been commented on extensively by friends, family and enemies. I can't help it. I'm trying to get somewhere, hence the walking. Just get the hell out of my way and we'll all be happy.

Well this is it. The final weekend. Where'd the time go? It seems like I've just found my groove and now it's ending. My body is very happy for this though. I need some frickin' rest. Just three days and one morning Roto-rooter appointment and I'll be in the clear. While there are a number of things that could be checked on in my house to make sure they're all fine and dandy, I decided the sewer line is the one I'd least like to have suddenly go on me. If the heat goes out, I can still smell pretty.

I'm taking next week off for vacation. I haven't had one of those since I tried to take some time off around the holidays last year and ended up being more stressed out because everyone knew that I was off of work and therefore should do what they needed me to do. None of that this next week. You're allowed to call but only to talk about fun stuff. The nails will be the first things to get done....wait, the second. The lawn has to get done first and there's no sense in doing nails when you have to then do landscaping. I even have the color picked out. It's Romeo and Joliet from OPI's Chicago line (Get it? Joliet as in the prison). I have it sitting out so I can stare and whine like a dog looking at a treat.

I'm also going to work on getting off of coffee and back to eating veggies. My eating habits over the last eight weeks have gone in the crapper. Thank goodness Anj makes such great stuff at the Guard Camp or else I would have nothing nutritional for meals.

I have no idea how this weekend will go, which is wonderful, and I'm actually getting those butterflies back in my stomach. I'll see you sometime in the future.

Kew da Wabbit, Kew da Wabbit

During my lunch break, I had the extreme pleasure of running across the Bunny Suicides in calendar form. If you haven't yet found this, I highly recommend it. I'm partial to the knife attached to the remote-control car which the bunny has positioned behind him and...never mind, go look for yourself.

Here's a related article on the subject. Someone please tell me that this is really an article from The Onion.

I Feel Pretty, Oh So Pretty

Only five more days and I'll start to feel like a girl again. I love fest but.....until I get decent shoes that cover my feet, I'm not able to paint my toe nails and I LOVE painting my toe nails. I also need to properly attend to my fingernails which is a waste of time during my beloved fest because they just break...and I can't paint them.

This feeling has intensified because of last night's dance class. We played with makeup. We played with makeup for 90 minutes. I discovered that I get to go buy makeup because I don't have anything dark enough for the stage. More girlie stuff. I love fest but...with my character, the heat, and what I physically do out there, it doesn't make any sense to wear makeup because it'll just melt off. Next to the pretty belly dancers and court ladies I feel like a moose lumbering through a china shop. As long as I'm a funny, entertaining moose lumbering through a china shop then everything is okay.

Some good timing could finally be coming my way. Just as fest is ending, Lund's is hiring. This is good because I need money and if I can get paid and possibly get a food discount at the same time, I can try to get myself out of the large group of people who spend over 30% of their income on housing costs.

One way of cutting expenses was to eliminate cable which was done years ago and is not missed. In fact, I may ditch my TV entirely because all I get out of it now are ridiculous campaign commercials. They are already annoying me to no end and it's only the end of September. I have a whole other month to get through. Netflix will have to come to the rescue.

I'm going to go wrestle with the online application process. Wish me luck.

I should have been warned

So I'm sitting on my couch before dance class minding my own business when out of nowhere, John Haynes and Lazslo Nemesi pop up on my TV screen during a Grand Casino commercial. I had just taken a Benedryl not long before so my first reaction was "Boy, that looks a lot like John Hay....WHAT THE FUCK?!" Someone should have warned me. Did I tell you about the time I was in the high school jazz band and we played in the Government Center in downtown Mpls and this guy in a trench coat and sunglasses looking just like Lazslo sat and watched the whole thing and then came up to me and passed me a note that said he was Jesus? True story.

I'm so shaken by the event that I can't even think of anything else to write.

To Think or Not To Think

I'm a bit of a control freak. I like to have a routine, a schedule. If my planned schedule is disrupted, I get cranky but then I also don't like to do the same thing for too long. All of this makes me a slight pain in the ass.

I wanted to leave by 6:00am Saturday morning because I had a lot of things to lug onto the grounds and I wanted time to stretch out and eat and I also wanted my usual parking spot. I left at the scheduled time but when I got to Hwy 169 I realized that I had forgotten a comp ticket for someone so I had to go home to get it. This meant at least a 20 minute shift in schedule. This vexed me greatly. It turned out that the timing was perfect because by the time I got everything on site and went out to drop off the ticket, the person who was to receive the ticket was standing in line. All of my vexation was for nothing.

Another scheduled stop that morning was to ask D'Lis about the whole stage-fright thing. I'm not kidding, it was scheduled (OCD, party of one). She told me I was overthinking things. Telling a control freak that they're over thinking things only makes them think things over more. Us control freaks have to learn the hard way about when to stop thinking. I wish there was an applause sign around all the time that would flash "Think" instead of "Applause" so that I would know when I could take a break.

The rest of the day was changed around due to circumstances beyond my control which is the best thing for me because then I was forced to do other things. I walked around all of the lanes I missed out on the previous weekend and got a chance to watch some great ones like Allen A'Dale and Gary Parker. I was still in overthinking-control-freak mode so I contemplated why they would still do this after so many years. Then I was thinking about how Twig had once said to just be what you are at the moment; if you're mad, then let your character be mad. Then I was thinking about what exactly Butch was trying to say to me at opening gate but I couldn't quite get with the squeaker and all (something like whittikey, whippy, whitney, finally on the way home in the car it hit me....WHISKEY! HE WAS SAYING WHISKEY!). Then I was thinking about who to switch up in the wine show because one act had to cancel. Then I was thinking that if I stay in one spot, I can interact with more people as they walk by (Duh!). Then I was finally tired of thinking and luckily it was the end of the day.

Sunday, the "Think" sign was turned off and I just did...whatever. Very nice, much more relaxed, why didn't I think of that sooner?

If you're not in the pile, you get no attention

I was watching a Pavarotti special last night where he admitted that he always was a little frightened before he went out on stage. I find that adorable and a little relieving because I usually get stage fright...except for the wine show. I used to get scared before every show last year but not this year. I think I should have jitters. I think I should change something so that I do get the jitters. I don't know what that thing is yet. I'm too tired now to think of that. Maybe the wine show is fine but I should find something else out there that gives me stage fright. Is that supposed to be one word? I've seen it both ways. I'm leaving it as two words.

I have a plan today. I'm taking all of this paper everywhere in this office and putting it in a pile. TA DA!!! That's it!!! That'll solve everything!!! Just kidding. The pile will be.....organized! By priority!!! This is the part where I really love email, if anyone tries to contact me with something they need, I'll respond with "I'll get to it on Monday." I'm excited. I can't wait to try it on someone.

Oo, guess what...I found another cheap watch at Target so I'll finally have my own timepiece this weekend. Gretchen will be overjoyed.

Time to go sort and then try to think about what I want do to when I grow up.