Now don't tense up

Just when you think a promotion is a good thing. Hmph. The Workplace suddenly took a hard left in April and now the only way to get out of the hole someone got us into is to start firing, lowering the ax, chopping heads, kickin' 'em to the curb, cleaning house, handing out pink slips, giving you the summer off...permanently, you get the idea. I'm pretty sure I have a good chance at sticking around but I'm at the bottom of the seniority roster because seniority is based on your job title and I was just promoted in January. That'll teach me to try and get ahead.

I feel like a little kid being dragged into the doctors office for a shot but not being told why I'm there yet I can sense that something's amiss. My mom always had to pin my arms down because I was NOT a good shot-taker. They'd always have to get me in the middle of the thigh. Telling me not to tense up didn't do any good. Ever notice that when someone says not to tense up, you suddenly find it impossible not to tense up?

While we're not being totally informed on exactly what's going on (mostly likely because nothing's been officially decided yet) many of us have seen or heard of this scenario before and there are only a few different ways it could play out. One thing I feel pretty good about is that the big salaries usually get cut first. It wouldn't really do any good to cut 30 lower level staff positions because there would be no one to do the work. If people want their reimbursements and paychecks, they'll have to keep some of us around. It's more efficient to cut a few people at high salaries. Finally, being underpaid is paying off.

I guess I'm just going to have to pin my own arms down and get ready for that hypodermic in the thigh that will arrive sometime around the end of May or June. Hopefully there won't be much wailing.

Fuck.

Back Issues

All of this hullaballo over Miley Cyrus' back photo is complete bullshit. It's a beautiful photo and her dad should be sticking up for her against all the celebrities mugging for the camera for a chance to say that someone else did something wrong.

I had a photo of my back tattoo taken and splashed across the front page of the Sunday Variety section of the Star Tribune once. My back didn't look like Miley's and it certainly wasn't photographed by Annie Leibovitz. Instead, it was shot by a photographer who started in Vietnam as a photo journalist. He had some really nice ideas that included me holding a picture frame against my back. I was extremely excited about this opportunity and I couldn't wait for it to come out. I had saved up money to send a copy to everyone I had ever met in my entire life.

That Sunday morning, I had grabbed the paper from my door like usual and sleepily paged through it when I suddenly saw my head and I screamed. It was a shock; even though I knew it was coming, I was still shocked. Of course I didn't like how my body looked but I was pleased with how the tattoo looked. The lighting was very well done to highlight the shading of the black and grey work. I had been interviewed along with about three or four other tattooed people but I got the biggest picture. I couldn't wait to talk to the rest of my family about it because there was so much more I wanted to say that couldn't fit in the interview.

I answered the phone later that morning and to my great surprise, a fist came flying through it. My dad was completely disgusted with it and the rest of my family felt that I had embarrassed myself and so had embarrassed them through association. I should have felt ashamed of myself.

I wasn't, instead I was very hurt. It didn't matter that I was 34, I was still letting myself be controlled by their opinion of me and eventually did become embarrassed. I didn't buy any copies for anyone. I cut the article and picture out but I hid it in a cabinet. I then became angry and decided that if my dad was ashamed of my image that he didn't need to hear from me anymore. The rest of my family felt that this again was the wrong move and couldn't figure out why I had decided to take this course of action and when was I going to stop being such a brat?

My brother was the only one who understood. He had been a called by an aunt who couldn't wait to exaggerate about all the chaos I was causing. I started explaining but I got to the point about how angry I was with dad, I couldn't get any words out. All he said was "I know". I was immediately relieved. I knew at least one person understood and it didn't matter if anyone else did. That phone call was in June of 2005 and it was the last one I would have with him.

That picture of Miley Cyrus is really good and she should be proud of It. I'm taking the article and picture out of the cabinet and putting it on the wall where it belongs.

There's no such thing as a free lunch

Does anyone have 4.1 million dollars? We've got a slight deficit at work and things could get ugly over the next couple of months. It's kind of reassuring to know that I'm not the only one who's (should this be 'whose' instead?) broke.

I wonder if this means that the free pizza at the lunch meeting will no longer be free. Damn.

Can the weekend start now please?

Brat Anyone?

My, isn't this a nice morning? I bet it's going to be a nice day too. It sure would be a nice day to go to a ball game. Maybe like a Saints game or something, don't you think? I think it would be a great day for that. In fact, I'd have a brat for breakfast if they were readily available. What's the difference between a Polish sausage and a brat anyway? I bet I wouldn't be able to tell. If you gave me a taste test with the two side by side I wouldn't detect a difference. You could get those two side by side at a ball game. You sure would be lucky if you knew someone with tickets, oh say, somewhere in the reserved section kind of close to the third base BBQ stand. The good thing about brats is that you can find them just about anywhere but especially at a ball game. You'd probably want to get there early since parking is a bitch and you could kill time by deeply analyzing the paintings all over the concrete, or you could go find the pig, or get a massage by a nun, or perhaps conduct the above-mentioned taste test. Even if the impossible happened and you decided you didn't like the person you were with, you'd still have a good time because of the multitude of things to do. It's a no-lose situation, unless you park in a no-parking zone and get towed so watch those signs.

Bow to me

I just had some free ice cream. Many of you out there did not. I, therefore, am the winner.