Hurry, Before I Lose You

Just a quick one this morning because I have no idea how long my internet connection will last.

Had a second turkey dinner last night with a set of uncle/aunt and mom because mom had her own turkey in the oven when she had to take the pile to the hospital on Thursday. Thus, left over turkey that hadn't been carved yet.

Watched The Departed last night and my crush on Mark Wahlberg is reignited. I'm going to petition Obama to pass a law that Marky Mark has to wear a hollister 24-7...and spew a litiny of profane insults at machine gun speed. Funny how cell phones have changed the face of the gangster movie. While I was watching it, I wasn't all too thrilled with it but when it was over, I decided it was really good. I don't know how that happened.

I'm determined to finish the costuming today so there will be glitter and sequins every where. I hope the cat doesn't digest anything. He's like a little vacuum. If he sees something on the floor, he'll stick it in his mouth first and then decide if he wants it there or not. He's still the best mouser in the universe so he can have his quirks.

The store clerk forgot to take the little ink-filled-alarm-registering thingy off of the shirt so now I have to go back to the frickin' MOA just to have it removed. I'm going to glare at her the entire time.

The cat is up on top of the kitchen cabinets staring at me. Quirky, and I'm okay with it.

That's It??!!

Holy crap, I actually went out shopping today. I had a gift card from my credit card company - you know, those bonus points - for which I also used my credit card when the total went slightly over what the gift card was so this way, I can accumulate more points for another card. Makes sense, right? Totally.

The Starbucks employees are striking by the MOA because they say they're not paid good wages. Everyone wants more money. If you get more money, it means that I now have to take out a loan to get a Ho-Ho Mocha. Wait, that's Caribou. Whatever.

Turkey day was okay. My food turned out damn near perfectly (you don't want things absolutely perfectly because then they don't look like they were made by humans) except that mom didn't make it over until 2:30pm. After getting home from the nursing home on Wednesday, my dad promptly fell in the bathroom and hurt his ankle. It had swollen up to an incredible size on Thursday so the nurse came over, did an assessment and determined that he has six disabilities for which mom can not care for. The X-ray machine was then brought to the house and carted off again to be developed and analyzed at some medical facility. Meanwhile, mom stopped in for food. We had about 45 minutes of enjoyment before the nurse called back and said he had indeed broken his ankle and he would need to be brought into the emergency room. Mom rushed off home to get him hauled into an ambulance then sat for four hours in the emergency room after which it was determined that he could not go home. FINALLY someone in authority decides he cannot be at home because it's unsafe for him. He was carted off to Providence Place again where he sat in misery because he's a miserable person. Anyhoo, Turkey Day came and went in about 45 minutes. Luckily mom left the bottle of white merlot which I was kind enough to polish off for her.

On to christmas.

Finally!!

Finally Wednesday is here. This means that I can start the stuff for deviled eggs. The deviled eggs represent the blue-eyed devils that overtook this land and mass-murdered the occupants at the time. While the butter, onions and CELERY (that's right Ryan, celery) are sauteing, I can trim the foam insulate from around the front door. I could have done that last night but I was busy watching the finale of Dancing With The Stars.

I've got the alarm set so I can get up in time and be out of the shower before Alice's Restaurant is broadcast on KQRS. Sounds slightly anal-retentive, doesn't it? I may be very organized but I'm also capable of spontaneity. Like the time I BOO! ha, didn't see that coming did you.

Okay, so here's the annual list of stuff I'm thankful for:

1. Firemen and wind. Both of which without my house would have burned down when my neighbor's house mysteriously caught fire one night at 3am.

2. Paramedics, EMT's and the like all of whom have stretchers and straps to haul away unwilling participants even when it's for their own goddamn good.

3. My job which pays enough to cover expenses and the FUCKING PARKING TICKET I GOT YESTERDAY FOR PARKING WITHIN 30 FEET OF A STOP SIGN!!!!

4. Netflix which provides belly dancing documentaries; some good and some with Miles Copeland in them.

5. Arms and legs; I'm really glad I have all of mine and can use them appropriately.

6. The Cat who is by far the most efficient mouse-terminator I've ever seen in my life.

7. IAGG for not increasing their prices for, um, since inception so that I can afford to see good entertainment and am then reminded that laughing is really good for you.

8. Not-maxed-out credit cards so I can finally get some good footwear for fest this next year.

9. Living only three miles from work so I can walk and save gas in the car which I'm thankful has a big trunk....to hide the bodies. Just seeing if you're paying attention.

10. The release of the Muppet Show seasons 1 - 3 so I can come up with good sketch ideas. Hopefully next year I'll be able to say that I'm thankful that Muppets Tonight was released.

11. To end on a mushy note, I'm thankful for all of the people in my life; the ones that I don't like because they make me face reality and the ones I do like because even though I live alone and am not officially "attached", I'm never truly alone.

Have a happy Thanksgiving everyone. See you in FIVE days! Woohoo!!!

Almost There

This week is all about coffee and cars. I wouldn't be anywhere without them.

I'm all about getting from point A to point B, rarely do I concern myself with the journey. This character trait helps me to get to Potbelly's for lunch and back within 20 minutes but is a hindrance this week. I have every dish written out with notes on when I can prep things so I don't have to do everything on Thursday. Some things could be done on Sunday, Monday and Wednesday. Nothing can be done on Tuesday because it's either one day too long for something to chill or it's not enough time for something to set. So here I am today, looking back at my list every few minutes, checking to see if maybe there really is something I can do today. I then sigh, put the list down, check the calendar to make sure that it isn't Wednesday yet, and then slowly make myself realize that I'm just going to have to....(ugh) wait...for...Wednesday. I'll read through the Calvin and Hobbes daily cartoon website back to August 2005 to take my mind off of it.

Dad's coming home on Wednesday and I'd love to launch into a tirade about how the health care system sets you up to believe that if you pay for insurance your whole damn life that you'll be covered and oh don't forget we have the lovely Medicare system that pays for everything except that you have to have a 3-day qualifying hospital stay in order for Medicare to kick in and even though you were in the hospital and we discharged you one hour before your qualifying third day you still had to go to a nursing home because you're that incapacitated but we'll make sure that you're family knows that they can never tell you what you have to do but in the very next breath we're going to tell them that they have to come and pick you up and then to top it off we're only going to give them maybe a day's notice to do so. As much as I'd love to launch into that tirade, I won't.

I had dinner with mom over the weekend. She got her new couch. She was explaining to me that it was burgundy but it's a different color burgundy than the first one she looked at. Really? Different color burgundy huh? Don't give me any crap about poking fun at my mother, sometimes she's a really easy target.

I just checked the list again. It's still not Wednesday.

Start Stretching Your Stomach

I shouldn't open my work email until after I write something here and get all comfy at my desk. I did it anyway this morning and exchanged a few um, stern emails with a FUBAR subcontract and now I'm cranky. Oh well, at least I still have all of my limbs. See, when you get angry about piddly stuff like that you have to remind yourself that it could always be worse.

If you missed the IAGG show last night, that's unfortunate because it was wonderful and there won't be one again until 2009 although the holiday season always rushes by and it'll be back before you know it so I guess you're not any worse off except that you missed Jill Bernard's comparison of The Nutcracker to socialism. Too bad she didn't touch on the pedophilia aspect of the story. I'm a bit thankful for that since my mother and I always go to see The Nutcracker every year and this year's turn is coming up on Dec. 13th. I'll just call on my familial traits of tuning the real world out so I'm not bothered by the fact that the wacky uncle is singling out the pubescent girl by slowly creeping towards her with a special gift like he was Gollum giving up the ring, WHY DOESN'T ANYONE STOP HIM...oo, dance of the snowflakes!

All food is bought and in it's proper holding place until the big day which is only three short days away. I've decided that I'm making my own dinner because I absolutely love making a huge dinner like that. I don't know that many people will show up but that'll just mean more left overs for me. I'm fine with that. You know, turkeys aren't as intimidating as you think. It's pretty easy to have them turn out good. You don't need to do the brining thing and you definitely don't need to do the basting thing. I've made two big ones now both with no basting or brining and they've turned out to be wonderful. The problem I have is trussing them correctly. I'm never quite certain how to tie those little fuckers up right. By the time I'm done, they look like little S&M turkeys. I'd make a horrible dominatrix...or a really good one, I'm not sure.

Only three work days this week, how wonderful is that? It's very wonderful.

Dear Days...

Okay Friday, you better be good to me. I've worked really hard and have accepted all the crap your cronies have thrown at me, especially Tuesday, that little bitch. Tuesday was very mean and I want you to kick her ass. I expect you to be very pleasing tonight and to know exactly what I'll need to relax and then go tell Saturday to stretch out because I have a lot of things to do. Sunday is already in my good graces since he'll have the last IAGG for the year, he doesn't need to do much more than that to make me happy.

Listen Friday, I'm not done with you yet. What's with your drunk uncles November and December? Did they really have to put their holidays at their ends? Why don't they stick them up front where we can get them over with? And what's with December thinking he can stick christmas on a Thursday? Thursday??!! I love Thursday. Why does he have to soil Thursday with his stupid holiday? Does December realize that business communication will come to a halt now for his bottom half? If I try to get any answers out of anyone on the 16th, they may respond with "I'll get back to you by the 18th" but really they won't because the stupid office party will be on the 19th for which they have to start getting ready for on the 18th and then the 22nd and 23rd will be "call it in" days because what can you accomplish in two days? and then nothing will end up being completed until 2009. Your uncle's an asshole.

I have to go now because while you may be promising nice things at your end, you're demanding action on my part before I can get to it. Tease.

Where Did All of These Plebs Come From?

If you're just headed out, I feel that I should warn you. It's a bit windy. My eyes watered the entire way to work, which is about 45 minutes. That's a long time for your eyes to water. My cheeks are nice and rosy though.

I'm a big fan of any documentary having to do with the British Monarchy. I couldn't stand Princess Di though. Anyway, PBS is airing The Royal Family At Work which is a slightly remixed version of the Queen Elizabeth documentary they aired last year but that's okay with me. They're concentrating more on the Queen's daily activities and social engagements. One thing I noticed about her is that when she's asking someone a question, which most people would consider inane chit chat, she will look straight at the person very intently, right in the eyes, and really listen to the answer. She's not looking over the head of the person, or looking around the room, she really seems interested in the answer. I think it'd be great to have a conversation with her. I think I'd probably start by asking her if Winston Churchill ever hit on her.

I hope you don't run out of food this weekend because this is it, the big weekend, the weekend to never step foot in a grocery store...the weekend before Thanksgiving. Most of the food items served for this dinner really can't be bought too far ahead of time. Potatoes, veggies, all that stuff really needs to be bought as close to the event as possible. Just to prove how wacked I am, I'm actually looking forward to going to a grocery store on Saturday. No wait, it should be Sunday because that's when the new fliers will be out with all the specials. It's better to go to the higher end stores like Lunds or Byerlys because that's where all the rude people are. It's fun to watch people who are used to waltzing in and picking through the fruit pile for the perfect item with no one invading their space have to start throwing elbows to get to a package of bacon. Yes, there are times that I revel in others' displeasure (is that apostrophe in the right place?).

There's going to be a hafla in Hopkins on Dec. 6th of which I will be dancing in with my class and also doing my quaint little drum solo. I'm nervous again now. I've been practicing it lately and I don't like it anymore. Well, I like the beginning but I don't like the last half. I have to work on my costume again because the coin top I got for the first show doesn't work well with what I do. When I move my arms in front of me, I hit the coins and they stay up which looks hilarious. I'm going to make some goddamn arm bands this time too.

I missed last Monday's class because I wasn't feeling well so Leslie said I could come to tonight's class as a make-up. She was thinking of moving me up to this class anyway. I'm a bit apprehensive about that because I like being an intermediate; you're not a beginner but you're also not held to perfection. I like keeping people's expectations low. Now I may have to forgo that, work harder and actually get better. Hopefully I'll get better. What if I don't? Aaaack! I don't need peer pressure, I provide my own.

I have to go now to write out my grocery list.