Uncomfortably Numb

Yesterday was filled with too many near-misses and some dead-on misses. I got to duck out of work early but it was for a dentist appointment so it's not like it was a holiday. I had to get a filling replaced. The dentist had to shoot me up three times...with Novocaine. When my lip wasn't numb after the first four minutes, they decided they better be sure so they hit me up again and waited another five minutes. I could tell that part of the inside of my mouth was numb but my lip wasn't numb yet. They went ahead and started drilling anyways. Everything was okay for the first few seconds but then he hit a nerve and my torso just about went through the overhead light. It was like a combo of a punch in the face while holding my finger in a light socket, except all concentrated in my tooth.

After the dentist got his blood pressure back down to normal, he hit me up a third time with something they referred to as "PM" which they assured me would take affect immediately. I was wondering why they hadn't used that to begin with but my mouth was full of cotton, a plastic square, a vacuum and the dentist's fingers so I couldn't voice my question. It's probably too expensive to be using frivolously. I could barely bite down on it the rest of the day and it actually still hurts this morning. I got home early and had some time before fight practice so I chilled on the couch with my jaw pulsing so I grabbed my new best friend, Advil.

Advil did the trick well enough so that I could concentrate at practice and even come up with some good lines to go along with the choreography. Towards the end of the session, I started to lose focus and swiped the blade too close to her eyes. No good. No good at all. We called it a night while we both had two eyes because I'm sure if I had managed to take one of hers, she would have removed one of mine in return.

I then headed out to MNCS at The Beat coffee house to witness Jenzie's first time up at stand-up. She didn't seem nervous, in fact she was the same on stage as she is when she's talking to you on the street. She had a pretty short slot so hopefully she'll be able to do a bit more in the future. I have to say, I felt pretty old sitting in that theater surrounded by all of those teenagers. I was sitting behind the row of parents who had come out to support their kids performing that night. It made me really wish I had known of those types of places when I was a teenager. I wonder how I would have turned out? *shudder* The last comic of the night used profanity quite liberally in his set and also made a reference to racist Oregonians (not that all Oregonians are racist, he was referring to racists who happen to live in Oregon) which I thought was pretty clever but the parents didn't approve. They made the occasional parental headshake which indicates that you're in big trouble now mister. That made me feel young again. At least I can still understand the youngin's.

As a public service announcement, I'd like to remind you that TPT channel 13 is airing a Stevie Ray Vaughan special starting at 8:30pm tonight. If you feel like missing it, you just don't understand good guitar playing. I weep for you.

Roma does not have Salmonella

I finally did it. I finally got out on water with a water vessel and rowed until both sides of my neck started to pinch and I could barely move my wrists. I started out at 7am and landed again at 3:45pm. The water level is nice and high which means I don't have to get out and portage over any sandbars but it does make paddling upstream much more difficult. The water was very calm but it didn't make up for the monstrous current. In case you're wondering, the water is still pretty frickin' cold for swimming. I passed one couple on a pontoon who had jumped into the water and then said "Okay, we've been swimming. Now let's get the hell back on the boat". It's cold.

When I got home later that evening, I conked out on the couch as Finding Nemo was starting and didn't wake up until 9:24pm upon which I hoisted myself up off of the couch and into bed where I remained until 8:00am the next day.

I still managed to be unusually productive on Sunday. My body pains were gone thanks to Advil so I cleaned my entire house like a madwoman, including laundry, and even mowed both lawns complete with raking and sweeping. Yeah, I know, I like I said I don't know what happened either. It'd be nice if this could keep up for a few more days so I could get my garage cleaned.

Today I have to go into the dentist to have a cavity replaced. The last dentist that did it left a ridge on the bottom near the gum line which has caused increased bone loss. Since I'd like to keep my teeth AND gums AND jaw line as long as possible, I'm having the cavity replaced to get a nice smoooooooth edge.

This week is shaping up nicely with lots of practice with lots of different things and let's not forget that the Presidential race is now starting in earnest. Oooooooooooh. I would really love to see Nader take part in any type of debate or town meeting. He's a very good speaker. He's not all that charismatic or even motivational but you will come away with a shitload of more information than you could ever possibly use in your lifetime. That's what I love about him. He can talk for hours (and often does) about any topic and spit fact after fact out at you until your dizzy, which in it's own way is motivational....at least to me.

My climbing rose has it's first bloom...and here's me without any film! It's beautiful. *insert clapping like a seal here*

Help Me Because I'm Helpless

I've heard from a few people that Al Franken is a jerk. Okay, but keep in mind that there are lots of jerks out there and many of them can do their jobs very well so that's not a reason vote against him. A brainstorming/writing session occurring in 1995 for Saturday Night Live where the word "rape" was used by him is also not a reason to vote against him. I would love to be able to state a strong opinion on the two articles only I CAN'T FIND THEM!!! I've been searching the internets for a short while here and am not having any luck, so if anyone has a link to them, could you please pass it on? If the Republican party is so certain that these two articles would prove Franken's inability to lead, then why are they not making them readily available? Why not canvas the neighborhoods and stick them under the windshield wipers of every car on every street?

The Republican Party of MN has posted a letter from Ron Carey to all DFLers of Minnesota. They appear to be so incredibly offended by the material in Playboy and if so, then why have they not tried to tear this behemoth of degradation against women, which has been in print since 1953(?), to the ground? If they did that though, what will they read on the plane?

I always chuckle when the Playboy article reference includes a statement like "he engages in oral sex, as well as sex with a robot" This is a nice moment to bring up a plug for the BNW's 50th anniversary show where you will be able to judge for yourself just how funny rape and a robot can be. Since a third of the BNW cast participating in this skit is out of the state this weekend, perhaps they should remain on the lam until this all cools down. You never know how the women of Minnesota are going to react. Since we clearly can't decipher a man writing a satirical piece from a man who wants to rape women, then we are probably also to stupid to know how to form our rage into words. Thank goodness Ron Carey was able to dictate that for us. I also didn't know that I'm expecting an apology from Franken, so again, thanks Ron Carey for reminding me.

Okay, now that I'm nice and wound up about that, I should shift my thoughts to this weekend and the fact that I'm making another attempt at kayaking tomorrow. After all of this rain, the water levels should be nice and high. I really need the exercise since fight practice was canceled last night (not a good idea to wield metal when there's lightning about) and I haven't walked to work lately. Sure, I could have done a few calisthenics in my living room last night but why do that when I can cuddle up on the couch and watch Stevie Ray Vaughan's live performances on Austin City Limits? That was awesome.

Okay, time to check in with the Republicans to see if I'm tying my shoes correctly. Oh wait, my shoes don't have shoe laces. Whew! Dodged a bullet there.

Beaches and Hockey...Perfect Match

It was the U's Staff Day yesterday which includes a free lunch + gift + chance to enter a raffle. I say "chance to enter a raffle" because who ever wins those things??

Get a load of this; they put five tables of advertising crap (Wells Fargo, insurance, etc.) across from the free gift table next to the free food arena. They then expected 3500 employees who all get their lunch times from 12 - 1pm to enter and leave this area in an orderly fashion. Well, they were WAAAAAAAAY off.

I left with two co-workers but quickly lost them after getting sucked into the free gift vortex. I was miraculously spit out next to the eating arena armed with a new umbrella complete with shoulder holster. I opted for the hamburger but then realized I should have chosen the veggie burger because it had more mass. If free food is given out, go for the item with the most mass.

Losing the co-workers wasn't such a bad deal because one of them was Shannon, the Document Prep Dictator with OCD and passive/aggressive tendencies. One cannot even walk by Shannon without being interrogated. To say she's a busy-body is being too kind. She has to know what you're doing and why and will then proceed to explain how you're doing it wrong and why you should do it her way. Since I know how to stand in a line all by myself, I'm glad she wasn't anywhere near me to tell me how I should be nudging closer in a different manner.

I watched The Bounty last night; mainly to view beaches, boats and water but then there was also Mel Gibson pre-crazy and Anthony Hopkins whose controlled rage squeaking out every now and then is always a joy to watch.

That's an interesting study in group cohesion theory. One wonders how it would have ended if Christian didn't take the ship. If the crew was getting to a breaking point anyway, was it inevitable that someone was going to do it? What if they all got together and decided that they'll just kick Bligh's ass when they get back to shore? I also think it's interesting how King Tynah understood perfectly what had happened upon Christian's return and wanted no part of it. I don't blame him, I hate getting in the middle of my friends fights. I'm going to have to read the book. I wish they would have made me read it in high school instead of Tom Sawyer. Mark Twain may have had some good works but Tom Sawyer and Huck Finn aren't among them. I just can't stand trying to read the colloquialisms. He may have captured a segment of the population to a tee but that's not always a good thing.

I caught the last ten minutes of the Stanley Cup finals. HOLY SMOKES was that a classic, unbelievable ending! When the goalie gets pulled, everyone moves to the edges of their seats or disregards seating all together and choosing to stand instead. That's what Pittsburgh did in the last 2 minutes or so. I can't remember the exact time they pulled him but I know it was less than four minutes. AND they had a power play!!! AAAAAAAAGH!!!! They were down by 2 and it only took them about 30 seconds to score a goal. I wanted Detroit to win, not because I like them but because I think a penguin is a ridiculous mascot for a hockey team. So the pressure is now on and sticks are flying through the air (literally, a redwing defense lost his stick) and Hossa slams the puck straight into Osgood....it hits his arm....and starts to fall like a bad inspirational sport movie...AND GETS WITHIN 3 INCHES OF CROSSING THE LINE AS THE CLOCK HITS ZERO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You just can't get any closer than that. Well, I guess you could get two inches closer. I better rest, only 4 more months until the Gopher's season starts.

The Turning Point

Well, it seems as if your choices for President have now narrowed by one. I suppose you could still write her in but Hillary won't be seeing her own name printed on a ballot any time soon. I'm not sure how I feel about that yet. I've always said that I'm just waiting for the day when Hillary finally unzips her skin suit and reveals her true alien self while demanding that we all board the mother ship.

It was quite a lucky break for St. Paul to be the city Obama happened to be in when things were decided. Good thing we're right next to South Dakota otherwise Lambeau Field may have gotten it's time on CNN instead of the Xcel Center.

While watching his speech last night, I couldn't help but think how difficult it would be to NOT become narcissistic and/or egotistical when you have 20,000 people cheering your name while you're standing smack in the middle of them. I'm sure Obama will be heard to say how much of a normal, everyday person he is in the months to come but I bet last night he was thinking "Meeeeeeeeeee...they're all cheering for meeeeeeeeee!". It's been 54 months (okay, really only about 17 months) of non-stop traveling, handshaking, saying what you think others want to hear, shmoozing and retaliating which would be enough to drive anyone over the edge and it all ended with a scene out of Gladiator of a stadium filled with crazed people shouting your name. It's no wonder politicians are crazy. Speaking of crazy politicians, did anyone hear Jesse Jackson's phone interview on CNN last night? Whatever he was having, I'll have some of that right now. The man could barely speak clearly. Maybe they woke him out of a nice slumber.

Did anyone also catch the Three Stooges' show that was the CNN coverage of the goings on last night? They had two rows of political pundits spouting earth-shattering insights on the election, the speeches and prophesying about the future. After Obama's speech coverage, Anderson Cooper said that you just couldn't find three more different speeches (referring to McCain and Clinton also from earlier in the evening). You could if you included a Ku Klux Klan member. I'm just sayin'...it would be drastically different. And in other news, Hulk Hogan's son will remain in solitary confinement. If only we could get the rest of them in there too.

Quick note

In case you're wondering whether it's possible for the Muppets to have outtakes, it is and here is one.

Summer, woo hoo!

Here it is, June. I consider this to be the start of summer. I don't care about when the planets line up or the sun is in the 5th house of my moon sign, June is summer. May is spring and June is summer. It's too bad we didn't have a spring but you can't have everything.

Instead of mowing, I clipped all the dandelions which never get cut when I mow because they just lay over and then pop right back up again. My mower is set too low to mow anyway but clipping the dandelions got rid of the overgrown look.

I also actually laid in the sun for 30 minutes yesterday. I don't know what possessed me to do that. It did help to relax me though. It's even made me hopeful. The fight scene is all mapped, blocked, whatever the term is, the wine show is going to rock, my climbing rose is still nice and healthy and maybe he'll change his mind. Really, I think he should; I'm a cool person once you get to know me. And I can do the splits. Anyhoo...

I skipped the parade on Sunday because I stayed up to watch the Stevie Ray Vaughan doc on PBS. Holy smokes, Riviera Paradise could almost be used in place of anesthesia, it's that soothing. Boy, sometimes I say the strangest things.

When I was about 3, my family would camp in this tiny 16' trailer. My brother and I would sleep up in the bunk bed that had a little ladder that also served as a barricade to keep things and people from rolling out. Well, it didn't work on me and one night I rolled right out between the rungs and fell 3', cracking my skull into the straight edge of the counter top and then tumbling the rest of the way to the floor. My parents were shocked into paralysis expecting the worst but all I did (or so I'm told) was to sit up and look around like "What am I doing down here?" I didn't cry or anything. That one incident may explain a boatload about my current behaviour. Or at least I could try and pin it on that.

I've had a baby bunny living under my deck this spring and up until now I've been thinking about how good Hassenphefer may taste. Sunday afternoon as I was sitting on my deck, the little furry guy came out and hopped around only a few feet away from me. He has tiny little ears and cute little front paws that he tucks in when he sits back on his hind legs. Oh my god, what's going on with me? Am I losing my ferocious edge? Could this tough facade be crumbling all due to a cute, adorable, fluffy, little vegetarian? The one with the cute little nose that wiggles as he looks into my kitchen? Oh my, quickly, I've got to watch a Dirty Harry movie or something. Shh, don't tell anyone about this.